Mistress Octavia's Brain Bleed

Things Change...

2011-02-13T10:35:00.002-05:00

I had a great time in San Francisco, but I'm a true New Yorker. I'm in South East Asia (yes, AGAIN!) through late April, after which I will be accepting appointments in NY again.

A Plan Is In Place!

2010-11-30T15:29:00.002-05:00

Farewell NYC. In less than two weeks I'm headed to San Francisco! I've never been, but have been told most of my life that I would love it there, so...I'm going to try it out.

I never really left...

2010-09-19T17:52:00.002-04:00

It just was most appropriate for me to have a low public profile. I've continued to play with a select few clients and friends but am once again ready to add to that roster. I'm excited about playing with new people and am quite curious what the current pro-scene is like. I spent most of the summer out of the US bouncing around Thailand (yes AGAIN--I do love it there!) and Indonesia. I may only be in NYC for a few months, I'll update as my travel plans coalesce. I know that I really am not interested in another cold NYC winter.

the next step

2010-04-20T23:25:00.002-04:00

If you are reading this, you are someone I actually know and for some reason or another trust. My vanilla career path has led me to a place where Octavia may no longer exist on the internet. This is an exciting and wonderful time for me.

Really Fun Roof Photoshoot

2009-12-07T18:19:00.003-05:00

So...Octavia Arena has returned! I am accepting sessions again. My hair is darker & shorter and I'm embracing the BBW tagline, however my legs are as muscular and strong as ever. I haven't had the chance to update the gallery on my site yet, but here are my favorites from last week's photo shoot.

Tastes like my childhood...

2009-08-25T23:33:00.002-04:00

Earlier this evening a friend and I stopped by Russ & Daughters to pick up some caviar cream cheese. Something I missed deeply while I was living in Long Island. She happened to also order some pickled herring fillets in cream sauce. I asked for a bite and upon eating it, I literally exclaimed "This tastes like my childhood!" I'm sure I've blogged about sense memory before, but this experience made me think about what other flavors defined my childhood. The first to come up was chopped chicken liver. Guess those two tastes make it pretty clear that I was raised a New York Jew. Vanilla chocolate chip Italian ices are another one, and I guess that's about growing up on Staten Island (the origin of Ralph's Ices). This whole thought process made me wonder about other people's childhood food memories. I asked my house guest come roommate and her response was gingersnap cookies, her grandmother always had them around. My paternal grandmother always had coolwhip. My maternal grandmother always had tunafish salad, but it rarely reminds me of her. What flavors bring you back to being a little kid?

When the crazies find my blog...

2009-07-22T00:48:00.002-04:00

So, after receiving a few stupid spam comments about viagra, etc, I changed my comments section to the "moderated" setting. That explains why sometimes you might leave a comment but it doesn't show up for a few days or ever at all. Yep, I can censor at will. When I received the alert that someone had commented on my last entry, I thought perhaps someone else had also read & loved The Help. Oh no. Not at all. Upon reading this comment I was just about to click the delete button, when I realized this was too insane not to share.

When a really good novel makes me want to write again...

2009-07-18T22:06:00.004-04:00

I'm in the midst of a really, really good novel. The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It is one of those books that I'm enjoying so much, I'll sometimes put it down just because I don't want it to end. It also marks the first kindle book that I wish I'd purchased in "real book" form because I want it on my shelves. I currently am carrying about 20 ebooks around via the kindle app on my iphone. Some of them I would have purchased as actual books, but there's a few I probably would rather no one saw me reading. But this one is different. Sure there's a trace of my yankee white bleeding heart liberal upbringing that is angered by the subject matter (essentially the racist white southerners who hire black maids to raise their children & cook their food, but can't deign to share a bathroom with them), but I think this novel goes further than that. To a place or level of emotion that is universal. I was about 13 or 14 when I came up with the theory that at 2 o'clock in the morning, once everyone's usual social barriers are down, we can all relate to each other. And I was probably a bit older when I came up with my cheerleader broken nail theory. (ie: the tragedy of a broken nail for a cheerleader might be utterly laughable to anyone not quite so shallow, but that cheerleader's feelings about the situation are just as real and valid to her as anyone experiencing a "real" tragedy).

This novel reminds me why I had planned on being a writer for my entire childhood. I want to tell a story that hasn't been told before. I want to create characters that are so real they breathe right off of the page and people feel their struggles, triumphs and fear as if they were the closest of friends. I haven't written fiction in so many years that I almost changed the "wants" in the last sentence to "wanted". But the truth is that I do still want to write again. Someday. Yeah yeah I know, writers write. I guess I'm just a reader these days, but this novel makes me want to write.

Love and Pork Fat

2009-05-25T23:51:00.002-04:00

The gift I brought back from Italy for my boyfriend was definitely not on the list of standard European knickknacks or souvenirs. While most people return from Italy with things like rosaries or these obnoxious aprons, I hauled 2 kilos of guanciale in my backpack. Yes, I carried around nearly 5 lbs of pork fat as a gift for my boyfriend. I wasn't sure it was the right choice until I gave it to him. He loved it. This is probably where I should mention, for those of you who don't know, that my beloved is a chef.

We are very happy together and our "rightness" for each other is proven over and over again in the most random ways. I don't recall if I mentioned this while I was blogging about the trip, but A & I got into the habit of taking "food porn" photos at nearly every meal. It was only once I downloaded my 600+ photos that I realized with faint embarrassment how many I had taken of food. When I showed my photos to my boyfriend, he not only was interested in my food pics, he berated me for not remembering some of the ingredients I had photographed! It was just one of those tiny things that make a relationship great. Who else would or could appreciate that my enduring memory of traveling Italy is the absolutely phenomenal food I ate daily?

Good Morning!

2009-05-18T06:54:00.003-04:00

It isn't even 7am and I'm fully awake with most of a cup of coffee already in my system. Jetlag? Perhaps, but my alarm is set for 7:30am because (drumroll, please) I'm starting my new job today! I'm so excited and very slightly nervous. I really can't compare how I felt last night and this morning with anything other than the first day of school when I was a kid. I haven't had a job that required I even be awake before 10am in about 15 years. No clue what this means for my availability, I'll be hammering out a schedule later today. I'll never forget being about 20 with a lifestyle that meant I accepted phone calls through six am but woe to anyone calling me before noon. I had signing up as with a temp agency and a week or two later answered an early morning call with "Who the fuck is calling me at this godforsaken hour?" Needless to say, I didn't get offered that gig.

Driving all over

2009-05-12T17:29:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting here listening to the sheep in the distance trying to figure out if I can do today justice with words. A and I have always loved to be in a car together. Our friendship is somehow ideally suited to long drives with random discussions on nearly any topic from deep examinations of self to questions like, "what's the origin of the term pothole?" Today we drove around and about Tuscany hitting several towns along the way. We began in Pienza, which though beautiful was really a tourist town, with a delicious lunch at Trattoria Osteria Sette Di Vino. MMMMMMMM...there is nothing quite like fresh cheese literally grilled with bacon. Later in the day we hit Montepulciano, which though it had the same charm of winding hilly cobbled streets, seemed to actually have a local population. We visited Il Casale, an agrotourism working organic farm and tasted some of the most amazing cheese I've ever had. When I inquired about buying some to take home, Massimo explained that it just wouldn't survive the journey. Beyond peeking at goats and sheep and playing with sheepdog puppies, the highlight was meeting Rinaldo. He used to work in automobiles in Germany. Once he lost his job, he went back to school to learn how to make cheese. After shedding our dusty sandals, we donned plastic clogs and he guided us through his cheese-making process. We both just fell in love with him. I will definitely post some pix of this and him. It was so amazing.

We went over to Bagno Vignoni to check out the hot springs and fancy spa, but tired of the experience before we really even had it. Dinner was in Montalcino and though the food was phenomenal, I was a bit preoccupied trying to get a perfect sunset photo. I'll let you be the judge of whether I got it or not.

Tuscany is literally breathtaking. We love the sheep.

2009-05-11T16:33:00.005-04:00

So...neither of us really dug Florence. Therefore I haven't had much to say. But now we are in Tuscany. Staying at the magnificent La Bandita. It is so unbelievably stunningly beautiful here. This afternoon A & I were discussing how sensory our memories of this trip will be...the sound of running water & the cool damp air beneath San Clemente, the septic stink that tinged the air nearly everywhere we went in Florence, the scent of jasmine wafting through the windows of our rental car while lost in the Tuscan countryside this afternoon and shortly after we arrived at La Bandita, the tinkling of bells as the sheep grazed just down the hillside from us.

Life seems somehow simpler and purer here. The in house chef laughed as he carried a beer over to a farmer astride a tractor on the adjoining property. He explained that the beer he carried would translate to three lbs of fresh ricotta tomorrow morning.

We're completely off the map (my GPS indicated that we left known roads at least ten minutes before we actually arrived). The decor is minimalist and perfect to me. The house cat is friendly and the staff are just lovely people. I'm so incredibly lucky. I know that my life is amazing and I am so so grateful. Flipping through their (made on a mac) bound photobook of "the Making of La Bandita" I hope I'm glancing at my future.

A's Guest Blogger Entry

2009-05-09T00:35:00.001-04:00

This morning we went to a new section of roma- in search of a foodie's adventure. We entered a neighborhood/market (Testaccio) that looks just like essex street market and were greeted by bargain shoppers buying shoes and cheap wares. In the overflowing stalls vendors sold gorgeous zucchini flowers, 30 varieties of tomatoes, countless cuts of meat and breads. We wandered around for a long time- one of my favorite moments was this guy shucking lima beans.

I really loved where we followed this awesome book's (Italy for the Gourmet Traveler) suggestion and went to Gastronomia E. Volpetti-- oh my god--foodie paradise. We were there for over an hour, met Claudio the proprietor and walked out with a perfect picnic lunch and presents for friends and ourselves.

We got back to our apartment ate our fabulous lunch including wild boar prosciutto, cheese, olives, artichoke an amazing bottle of red and a variety of fresh breads and a desert that taste similar to hamantashen. Afterward we quickly passed out- to snack on some leftovers post nap and walk the streets of rome again.

A magnificent day

2009-05-07T22:54:00.003-04:00

Began the day with a trip to the post office so A could ship some gifts home. Even with the language barrier, we pronounced it a significantly more civilized experience than any NYC post 0ffice either of us had ever been in. We then followed my iphone's wifi finder app to a relatively nearby cafe. After a little skype action and breakfast we headed back to the apt where I made coffee.

Off to another trip on the double decker over to the Coliseum, again we chose not to go in but to walk around the area.

Or shall I say the gayborhood as we hunted for lesbian bars for A. Basilica San Clemente and the ruins below were today's amazing highlight. The ruins were such a tactile experience. As we descended, the air changed, became damper and colder but it was far from eerie, just literally awe-inspiring. Dipping my hand into the spring water that still runs through was somehow cleansing. I was so much more interested in the remnants of the architecture than the restored frescos. We left feeling somehow lighter and very happy. Lunch at a nearby cafe yielded the sweetest, most luscious cantaloupe draped with perfectly sliced prosciutto.

We made our way towards the Trevi Fountain and stopped at "THE" gelato shoppe recommended by a foodie from home & the NY Times. San Crispino (Via della Paneteria, 42). An entirely different texture from anything else we had tried. This gelato blew away all other competitors. A had a red wine flavor & the house specialty which is creme & honey. I had chocolate meringue & banana. mmmmmmmmmmmmm...so so wonderful. Up the block we encountered a fruit stand. Everything was so vibrant and fresh looking I couldn't resist loading up with pears, plums, three varieties of citrus fruits & strawberries. Finally we arrived at the Trevi, and sat for awhile. We watched the vendors hard sell tourists one after another like machine gun fire. They offered nothing that interested us, but watched with amusement as an item initially offered for 12 euros was let go for just one.

I was wearing a pair of cut off jean shorts today. Right by the fountain (NOT at any religious monument) I was taken to task by a tiny old Italian grandmother who managed to accost & chastise me without a word of English for my shorts being too short, "Indecente!" she hissed at me. Rather than being offended, we both found it adorably endearing.

We closed out the day with dinner at Gusto restaurant, which reminded me in a variety of ways of an Italian Balthazzar. Took many serious food porn pix, octopus & potato salad, spaghetti & clams, divine house made meat & cheese plate.steak tartare,

Roma: the pretty & gritty city

2009-05-07T01:05:00.002-04:00

We are really enjoying Rome. This morning we truly gathered our bearings in terms of where we are in relation to all else in the city. We've rented an apt on the Tiber between the Castel Sant Angelo & Vittorio Emanuele Bridges. Based on looking at maps I was concerned that getting from point A to B would be like getting from the lower east side to the bronx, but it is much more like soho to the east village. VERY managable. We began our day entirely by accident with the Pope's address to the piazza. We didn't plan it, we just happened to walk into it. We then spent some time in the surrounding shops which are essentially department stores of Catholicism. Very interesting and occasionally inappropriate (like when we browsed the shop where priests have custom robes made. We met up with a couple of friends who also just so happen to be in Rome as well and headed to the Jewish Ghetto. Imagine my surprise and pleasure when we stumbled upon the ruins of the Portico d'Ottavia. Enjoyed more fried zucchini flowers and the traditional artichokes alla giudea at Giggetto. A & I hit the Jewish Museum (Museo Ebraico Di Roma) & the Sinagoga Ashkenazita for a little heritage/culture. The exhibits were beautiful (elaborate torah cloths, etc.) but we quickly realized that the descriptive cards were written for people who know nothing about Judaism. We then decided to be silly tourists and bought open top double decker hop on/off bus tickets and circled the entire city. Popped off at Piazza Navona, wandered into the Chiesa di Sant'Agnese in Agone. So very beautiful. Checked out the art and her skull on display, lit a candle and thought nice thoughts in the memory of my italian grandma stella and left feeling really good/zen.

Back on the bus to the Colesseo. Actually breathtaking, we'll probably go back to spend more time there as our visit was super brief in order not to be late for our 8:30 reservation at Checchino dal 1887. We got the traditional tasting menu, took food porn pics, made friends with the maitre'de. I'll write more about the meal some other time, but suffice to say the recco for this restaurant came via a famous chef in NY. It was divine.

Welcome to Rome

2009-05-05T19:01:00.001-04:00

My flight touched down at 4pm on the dot, but it was an hour before I left the airport. It was not an immigration or customs issue as you might suspect. Just the amount of time it took to get off the plane, locate my bag & exchange some cash. Actually I never encountered immigration at all, which kinda concerns me. Beyond the fact that I like all the stamps in my passport, when I depart won't they be curious to know why there's no indication of my arrival or visa? I could stay here for the next decade or when I leave in ten days I could be accused of having overstayed my nonexistent visa.

I navigated public transit and utilized my iphone's gps walking directions. SO AWESOME. All on its own it figures out where the hell I am and how to get wherever I wanna be. Used it thrice today. We had dinner at Costanza and utterly randomly ran into a middle school friend of A's. Dinner was superb...the house antipasto consisted of some kind of hot chopped liver/pate, a super firm and rich greek yogurt, delicately fried zucchini blossoms stuffed with cheese & anchovies. Bizzare combination but each dish was just amazing. A had some kind of crepe & I had gnocchi. Afterward we wandered around with her new/old friend and her husband. Through Campo dei Fiori, the Pantheon and tons of curvy cobbled streets in search of their favorite gelato joint.

Overall a perfect relaxed intro to Rome. The apt we rented is really lovely. The elevator is intricately wrought iron. Pix to follow.

Hooray for wifi in airports!

2009-05-04T22:04:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in JFK waiting for my flight to Paris which will lead to my flight to Rome. I'm not sure if I could imagine a better birthday than today. I woke up crazy early for a vanilla job interview and...I GOT THE GIG! It isn't exactly what I wanted but it is only a smidgen away and if you couldn't tell, I'm really excited about it! Ecstatic is really a more apt term. I think I will be really happy in my new position and even if somehow I'm not, it seems to have tremendous stepping stone potential. Life is really really good. I spent the afternoon and early evening with Rob. He brought me a bouquet of incredibly colored roses. Each one seems to have a really subtle gradation of color ranging from pale yellow at the petal's base through peach to end in a vibrant orange at the tip. They're stunning, However I doubt they'll still be alive by the time I return. It is of course the thought that counts. We've been together a year and this is the first time he's given me flowers. I hate that I'm not going to get to watch them fully open. Don't think I'm not grateful, because I really am, but I was surprised that he didn't know that I prefer exotics. I've always felt roses were a lazy choice, however this set were so beautiful, I may need to rethink that. We had dinner at Blue Ribbon a favorite for both of us that we've never enjoyed together. Oysters! Plump juicy exploding in my mouth west coast oysters followed by their always delectable bone marrow appetizer, pierogies (which I had never had. There, I mean. I love Odessa's pierogies, but Blue Ribbon's are on another plane altogether...most perfect dough encasing EVER!). I had the skate (one day I swear I'll order a different main course there). I'm so god damn happy. Headed off to Italy now.
Ciao!

This might be more for me than you

2009-04-23T13:21:00.003-04:00

These are the Thailand stories I don't want to forget. Just an outline, a line to spark my memory, maybe I'll flesh them out on here, maybe I won't. If I don't, feel free to ask me for whichever one interests you the next time you see me.

toilet humor

scooter rental results in veggie festival & The Roadrash Rooster

tiger temple

Jimmy Birdland Books

Elephant Sanctuary

Sang Som & redbull

Muay Thai

tiny squid moustaches and other adventures in thai english

why we hated Laos

speed boat down the meekong

the flat tire!

Yak Sant at Wat Bang Phra

handsome sandwiches & laundry

beverages by the bucket

fireworks available at a convenience store near you

thai iced tea guy

Travel Blogging

2009-04-23T12:52:00.004-04:00

Flipping through my photos from Thailand on iphoto last night I came to really regret not having kept up the blog while I was traveling. SO MANY great stories that I'll probably never get around to writing (typing?) down. Now that I know this regret, I'm committing to myself (and you loyal readers) to shoot off a blog entry (however brief) everyday that I'm in Italy. So that you might know what a Thailand travel blog from me might have looked like, I'm going to reprint the email I sent shortly after arriving to let those close to me know I had arrived and what had happened thus far.

Highlights thus far:
Night1: pink taxicab from the airport, tried to charge me 5 baht to smoke in the cab

being wide awake at 3 am looking for a bar when they close at 1 or 2am...end up at a nightclub named "Spicy's" open till 6am, every foreigner we chat with is shocked that we ended up in the hottest underground club on our first night!

drinking ice-cold $6 heinekens and piss warm $7 shots of Jaeger with Michael from Denmark who apropos of nothing starts worshipping my feet right in the club!

Day2: start the day by getting my legs waxed for about $12 we take the skytrain to the weekend market at MoChit. Rob gets $18 Adidas (after I bargain down from $24!) and is thrilled out of his skull. I buy a $6 leather purse to carry while I'm here. One of the zippers has already broken. we hit the mega mall MBK where we get pulled aside by cops who want me to pay a $70 ticket for throwing a cigarette butt on the sidewalk (next to a few others mind you!) I manage to talk my way out of paying the fine. Rob will not let me live it down.

we come back to the hotel & I leave him in the room to go get a massage & mani-pedi. Tell him I'll be back in a couple of hours. Get a kickass "oil massage" for $9. Attempt to get a mani pedi for $14. these chicks are clueless, takes an hour & a half just to do my toes with TWO women working on it. I end up walking out without mani. get back to hotel, rob says "I don't know whether to hug you or punch you, I was so worried."

Walking around town people stare at both of us (I was wondering if it was just our size, we are two pretty big people, but it isn't...), comments so far are about my hair "sooooo beautiful, I touch? color...WOW!" Rob's tattoos are very popular but amazingly enough it is his uber trimmed faceframe/goatee that excites the thais. Men have asked to touch it and how long it took to grow.

We head to patpong the redlight district, hit pingpong show, unfortunately the chick who can write with her vagina is out today but we see ping pong balls, shooting bananas, 50 feet of ribbon, sealed coke bottles get opened, cigarette smoking, a string with razors, another string with needles, flower garlands, darts and probably a few other things shot or pulled from vaginas. It was fun at first but actually got boring. we then were accosted while walking down the street constantly with "pussy!, SUPER PUSSY!"

we bought a tazer on the street. just because we could.

End up eating dinner in the gay district, admiring ladyboys, encounter our first two elephants on the street (but we don't pay to feed, ride or pet them, as we don't condone the abuse, we're gonna go to the santuary later on!)

end up taking a tuk-tuk (crazy scooter taxi) back to the hood.

observations: there is a 7-11 on literally EVERY corner. Bargaining is required, most purchase prices come down by half. burning cash faster than I planned, but I knew bangkok would be more expensive.

A not so subtle suggestion for my bday!

2009-04-10T13:49:00.004-04:00

I'm so happy to be back in NYC! While I still haven't finished moving my belongings back into my apt, it definitely has begun to feel like home.

I've been making myself available on niteflirt and it has been so wonderful to reconnect with my clients (a couple I hadn't spoken with in several years!!).

As MY BIRTHDAY is coming up, it is time for the annual "Go buy something from My Wishlist" directive.

There's an actual Amazon Kindle Reader on my wishlist, however a few weeks ago I downloaded the kindle app for my iphone. I still really want the real thing, but the app has been pretty amazing. I never thought ebooks would work for me. I've been a bookworm since childhood, reading has always been a tactile experience. However...I LOVE IT! I've read four novels in quick succession that I had no desire to pay hardcover prices for (new release hardcovers are typically $25 or more, while most kindle books are only $10). I carried nothing additional. Ugh! do you know how a hardcover can weigh down a purse?!?!?! To say nothing of not having to worry about losing the actual book (or my place in it!). While I can only recall this having happened a few times over the course of my life, in February I lost two separate books that I was in the midst of deeply enjoying.

In other random exciting news, I'm planning a trip to Italy immediately following my birthday! An opportunity arose and while it may not be my most practical decision, I'm a big believer in "if not now, when?" I'm really excited about it. I think you should be excited too! Wow are there penalties somewhere for using the same word 3x in one paragraph?

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!

2009-02-09T08:16:00.004-05:00

I've returned from Thailand. I loved it there. So much so that I really didn't want to come back. But...here I am. Eventually I'll get around to posting photos, just know that the Elephant Nature Park is truly a slice of heaven on earth. I'm in Manhattan until further notice, so my session availability is relatively open. My site will be back up shortly. Let's play!

In case you were wondering...

2008-05-15T02:25:00.002-04:00

I'm not only alive, but pretty happy these days. I guess I'm currently retired. I'm only in the city on Mondays and as much as I love to play, more often than not I find myself turning down sessions (even with my beloved regulars, so don't be offended, it's really not personal). I'm still out on the East End of Long Island through the Fall. THEN the dream trip to Asia will finally happen. Afterward, I'll be moving back to NYC, so sessions will probably resume in early 2009. Be patient. Isn't serving me worth the wait?

Life out here has finally fallen into place. I've made friends, I'm still a workaholic, but things make much more sense these days. So...this blog may get resumed, but there won't be any sexy BDSM stories for awhile. I've got some great drunk people in the bar ones though.

Four Months Later...

2007-11-06T21:41:00.000-05:00

So...um...I kinda lied in my last post. Not entirely, as I hadn't made a decision yet, but I no longer live in Manhattan. I now live full-time in a tiny town in the Hamptons. For reasons that I couldn't completely explain even if I wanted to, I canceled my dream trip to Asia in order to manage a bar in a small, primarily seasonal, town.

It seemed to make sense at the time. This new job was just something I wanted to do. I planned the Asia trip craving new stimulus and a change of scenery and I got those things, just not at all in the package I expected.

In some ways, every day feels like a role play scenario where I'm cast as the tough bar manager chick. But then this whole business seems entirely natural to me.

It is weird to be "in the closet." In NYC everyone who knows me, knows who I am and what I do in terms of being a Domme, however here, NO ONE knows who I really am, but since it is a small town EVERYONE knows who I hung out with last night, where I work and what my name is.

I finally found a play partner and though he is a novice, his interest is sincere and he suffers beautifully for me.

The Flood After the Drought

2007-09-27T02:16:00.001-04:00

So...I'm still out in the Hamptons. I kinda like it here. My trip to Asia is indefinately postponed. Don't be sad, I'm not. I needed a change of scenery and new stimulus and I have absolutely found all of the above (AND I'm still available for sessions twice a month!).

The last time I was in the city, I had a spectacular scene with a regular client. It wasn't that we did anything that I hadn't done before, but perhaps it was the several weeks that had passed since my last playtime. After some very intense foot worship and humiliation, we moved onto anal play. My newest strap-on is HUGE! It hangs three quarters of the way down my thigh.

I looked out the window and said...

2007-07-19T00:26:00.001-04:00

"WOW! Main Street looks like a river!" And quickly realized that if there was over two feet of water in the street, HOW MUCH WATER WAS INSIDE THE BUILDING?? I guess this would be a good time to break the news to you, my loyal readers, I'm no longer working as a nanny or personal assistant. I am now (quite suddenly and surprisingly) a bar & restaurant manager! At least for the summer, as my plans for the fall are NOT subject to change. So, back to THE FLOOD.

Small Town Living

2007-07-15T12:36:00.000-04:00

As a NYC native, I've never understood the appeal of "small town life." And though travel is my passion, I've always been happy to come home and felt that no place else could possibly qualify as "home." Well, that's starting to change! I'm not ready to leave NYC for good, but I'll be out on the East end through the summer.

I had the most amazing experience! Of the gadzillion things I'm responsible for, last week, one of them was filling out the paperwork to apply for permission to place tables outside of a cafe. When I had some questions about the form and called the "for assistance" number I ended up in the office of the Mayor with his secretary helping me fill out the form. You think Bloomberg's secretary can help you get a permit application filled out? AND I also had an experience where I witnessed a fight outside of a bar and called 911. In my life I've probably called 911 about a dozen times before, every time in NYC. Calling in a small town is a whole other experience. I told her where I was and what I'd seen. Her response? "No problem honey, you just hang out over there and I'll send one of the boys right over." Um, hello? I've practically had to beg for a police response on Avenue A in the middle of the night. And yes, the constable (not kidding) was there is less than five.

Not in the City

2007-07-11T07:58:00.000-04:00

For some reason I am unable to get into the code of my site right now, so I'm going to use the blog to announce:
I AM IN THE HAMPTONS THROUGH THE END OF JULY. I WILL CONSIDER SESSION REQUESTS OUT HERE, BUT REALIZE THERE'S NO DUNGEON, JUST ME. OUTCALLS ONLY. EMAIL ME TO INQUIRE

So...I'm OK! The calls I received from clients and friends who I scared with my last post were actually quite sweet.

I went skydiving a few weeks ago to celebrate Sade's birthday and it was one of the most beautiful, awe-inspiring and exhilarating things I've ever done. At some point in the future I'll complain about the fact that the harnesses are not designed for people of my size and shape, as I was the only person in our party of 9 to walk away with black and blues all over my thighs. But honestly I'm still THRILLED with the experience and deeply grateful to their staff member I jumped with (it was a tandem). He was really astonishingly nice and reassuringly confident and vocal about the entire process. Not that I needed much reassuring because I was SO MUCH more excited about the whole experience than scared. There was only one moment when I felt something akin to fear: just before we jumped out of a perfectly good airplane. But it was fleeting, as next thing I knew we were in free-fall and all of my faculties needed to be focused on remembering how to breathe. Then he let loose the parachute, and the straps snapped tight against my inner thighs and I was in pain, but so into what I was viewing, it really didn't matter. (what you thought I could dish it out but not handle a bit myself?)

Next order of business is that the boyfriend and I are no longer together. It boiled down to a difference in fundamental values, beliefs and worldview. However, I think we may actually remain friends. He really was the best bf I've ever had, we're just not right for eachother. This may be my most adult and mature breakup ever.

Because my boyfriend, best friend, boss & slave insisted...

2007-06-22T04:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment. As a relatively self-sufficient adult woman, I usually go to the doctor by myself. However, this was a follow-up appointment for a biopsy because prior standard testing had come back abnormal. I was still prepared and planning on going alone, however my boyfriend, best friend, day job boss and slave ALL were really insistent that someone else come along. How often do you think that four people who hold such disparate positions in my life would all agree on the same position?

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'm still here, just been kinda quiet lately

2007-06-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

I'll admit that I knew it had been some time since I'd written a blog entry, but half year?!?!?!?! No...I didn't realize it had been that long.

The BIG News:

A-I am a NON-SMOKER! Yep, you read that correctly. I've renounced my formerly beloved camel lights. I've been smoke free since April 26th, since that's nearly two months ago, I'm confident it is going to stick. The only place I really even miss it at all is in session, bizarrely enough. Many of my clients (whether it was requested or not) could tell you how adept I was at cigarette torture. Much like the violet wand, I loved the sheer versatility of it, sensual one moment and searingly painful the next. But the truth is, I only smoked so much in session because I was addicted to nicotine. Or perhaps I just thought I was. Isn't the question you're dying to ask "How'd you quit?"

Here is where I insert the "I swear I'm not a hippie" clause. Because I assure you that if someone had just told me about EFT, I probably would have laughed. I remind you that beside the fact that I started smoking at age 11 and certainly smoked at least a pack a day for more than the last decade, I didn't really believe that I could or would quit until I was ready to have babies. Well, I'm not quite THERE yet, but I am a non-smoker.

So the bottom line is that Annie Siegel is a total miracle worker. Her specialties are stress and anxiety reduction, but as I can attest, she does amazing smoking cessation work.

B-Tickets have been purchased, itineraries are being planned...I have taken October & November of 2007 "off" from my life and will be wandering around SOUTH EAST ASIA!!!! So, clearly, I will not be available for session (or anything else really except temple visiting, elephant sanctuary visiting, custom clothing fittings, ridiculous spa experiences, etc) October 1st through December 3rd.

C-Time will clearly tell, but I think I'm ready to open a little window back into my life. Honestly, part of the reason my posts grew so sparse was that I just wasn't feeling particularly exhibitionistic. I began censoring myself based on who I thought my readers were and what they did or didn't want to hear. I am now firmly over that.

The Big News

2007-05-22T02:11:00.001-04:00

I am formally a Non-Smoker! It's absolutely for real this time.

2006-12-12T23:27:00.001-05:00

I'm headed to Austin, TX Monday 12/18-20th. My slave is going on a business trip and I'm hitching along because a-whenelse would I ever end up in Texas?, b-I can. I'll be available for sessions while I'm there. I'm looking forward to the change of scenery, though it is only two months since my whirlwind Chicago/Vegas/LA tour, I'm no longer quite as enamoured with NYC as I used to be. It isn't any particular thing I can point to and as a native NYer, I've never thought about really living anywhere else. Two months here and six months there, sure, but I always knew I was coming home to NYC.

I wonder if part of the reason I'm blogging so infrequently is a self censoring thing. As more and more of my audience is my clients these days rather than my friends or completely anonymous strangers, topics that I might have chosen to write about a few years ago seem inappropriate or uninteresting.

Attractive

2006-12-02T04:23:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite posters over on maxfisch has a thread currently going that really intrigued me.

Though I haven't chimed in on the thread, it brought up many thoughts for me. The bulk of my clients are hard from the moment I enter the room. Imagine how shocking it was for me to have to put in effort to elict a hard-on from a vanilla boyfriend (not the current love of my life). One of the ways that I explain who/what I am/do as a pro-domme is that I am my client's ultimate unattainable fantasy woman. So clearly, that is rooted in sexual desire. Then there is the clothing I wear in session: corsets with my breasts spilling over the top, mini skirts just covering my ass, seven-inch heels elongating my legs and tensing them just so. Obviously I am dressed to appeal. But then there are the incredibly intense sessions I've done in regular clothes. Perhaps even more so, because I was not in a costume.

I've also been known to say that novice clients tend to choose the domme they'd most like to fuck, while a more experienced sub will choose a domme based on her skills or their chemistry. So many of my clients these days cite this blog as "the reason" they chose me, that or the fact that they'd never seen a pair of legs like mine. When I was still a house domme, we'd do this group consultation, endearingly called the "pussy parade." Everyone on shift got dressed in full gear and each of us went in to chat with the client for a moment. This was a very long time ago and I'd only been working as a domme for a short time. Mistress Maxine (who has remained one of my best friends ever and has just recently come back to the scene)is a barbie doll brought to life. Tall, thin, big boobed, long legged with a huge mane of (then blond) hair. Though I adored her personally, I'd worked with her for months and never been chosen from a parade we were both in. The first time we both met a client and he chose me, I was so surprised. Was he high? No. As I know these days, attraction is absolutely individual. And our styles of play are quite different. I'll never know why that client chose me that day, but it was a pivotal moment for me. It could have been as simple as the color of my hair, the tone of my voice or the way I looked into his eyes. But it taught me something as both a domme and a woman about the mercurial nature of attractiveness. No one can know what will turn one man's head and not another.

Yeah, yeah I know...you're feeling neglected

2006-10-24T02:49:00.000-04:00

I'm not gonna deny that it has been too long since my last post.

Since then I:
-became a legally licensed driver (my license had been revoked for about a decade)
-sessioned in Chicago, Las Vegas and LA.
-shot an M-16 machine gun.
-obtained a blackberry.
-learned how to play craps.
-bought a Louis Vuitton Taiga Kendall GM (graciously paid for by the MGM Grand blackjack tables).
-got addicted to Dexter.
-discovered that the lollicockmakes an excellent gag.

Back from Portland, off to the Hamptons...again

2006-08-03T10:14:00.000-04:00

I don't know how I became a once a month blogger, or really not even that, as I missed July entirely. Once again, the bulk of my summer is being spent in the hamptons. Since late June I've only been in the city 2 or 3 days a week. I'm being terribly responsible about updating my schedule on the contact page of my site. I must say that I miss my apt and the city in general. I feel like I get back into town, make plans to see a few friends, session like crazy and head right back to the beach. Add to that the week I just spent in Portland, OR and perhaps you'll understand why I hid out like a hermit in my apt for most of yesterday (that and the obscene heat of course).

I had such an amazing time in Portland, both personally and professionally! The first part of my stay was at McMenamins Edgefield to attend a college friend's wedding. Every Oregonian I met was overwhelmingly nice and friendly! Complete strangers consistently went out of their way to assist me, even beyond the hotel grounds. At first I had been apprehensive about staying there due to the "European Style" accommodations (ie: shared bathrooms) however it wasn't bad at all. After the wedding, I moved to a four star hotel in downtown Portland...much more my style! As I had been unable to arrange a dungeon rental, I sessioned my from hotel room. I don't know if I was just in rare form or what, but every session I did there was incredibly intense in its own way. Someone who had heard of me via the cannibal fantasies thread on Katharine Gates'Deviant Desires board actually drove down from Seattle to session with me. We'd corresponded months ago but being on opposite coasts, didn't know when we'd ever meet.

I had an odd sensation one evening after spending five hours in session that day. I had been utterly immersed in the darkest regions of my clients' sexual psyche for so long that my post-session decompression was intense in itself. I changed, washed off my makeup and headed out of the hotel aimlessly. I just needed to get outside and walk the city's streets alone.

Portland may be known as the city of roses, a well-planned city and a mecca for lesbians, however I found it to be the city of breakfast! We ate at The Cricket Cafe, Fat Albert's Breakfast Cafe and The Black Rabbit. Each place was phenomenal!

My companion had never seen the Pacific Ocean, so our last afternoon was spent driving to and from the coast in our adorable rental car. We headed up to Astoria, OR, where The Goonies was filmed. Here's a much more devout and ambitious fan's photo tour. Seeing the town and spots I recognized from the movie was fun, but it was the drive out there and back that I really enjoyed. We passed through several state forests which were shockingly beautiful and hit a roadside stand for what were quite possibly the best and freshest cherries, blueberries and strawberries I'd ever had! We also climbed the Astoria column for breathtaking views.

"To the hustlas, killers, murderers, drug dealers even the strippers"

2006-06-27T02:59:00.000-04:00

Last Friday I attended Mistress Sade's demo for domsub friends on anal play at Paddles. As I've experience in this area myself and we've discussed this type of play at length, I was really there more for moral support than anything else. She was, as expected, terrific.

Afterward a few of us went out...sometime around 2am myself, Sade, Kho, Freya and Alice arrived at Scandals. I've been to high-end strip clubs and to bottom of the barrel, all-nude pre-"Times Square Clean Up" joints. This club, essentially under the 59th St Bridge in Long Island City, fell somewhere in the middle. I was surprised and amused by the free valet parking. We had been at the bar for less than a minute when a drunk guy with an Irish accent asked if he could buy me a drink. I told him I'd already ordered one, and turned away from him, which essentially translates to "Go the fuck away." What kind of guy hits on a chick IN A STRIP CLUB???? Sade really wanted to see some impressive pole-dancing, unfortunately none of the women we saw had any real skill. The women got off the stage and made their way along the moat between the stage and the bar accepting tips by pulling the dollars from our fingers with their breats. It was fascinating how most of the dancers gave an individual jiggle, wink and smile to each of us and were rewarded with their tip from our stacks of singles on the bar, while others rushed past the five of us without even glancing in our direction. In a way we were easy marks, I certainly didn't have the heart to stiff any of the girls who made eye contact with me. Particularly since it was so cheap! Single dollar tips seemed to be the norm. I actually gave several dollars to a particularly limber petite Russian girl who had done some acrobatics for a guy several seats down from us, who then didn't tip her at all. When I went downstairs to the bathroom, I spied the "Champagne Room". Or, more accurately the door with gold-tone self-adhesive letters designating it as such. As I walked past I could see that the men's room was really large, seemed clean and had an attendant. The ladies room, by contrast, was really just a filthy closet with a toilet and sink in it. After about an hour, my wallet was $45 lighter and though my prurient desires hadn't really been met, we left.

I wish I had a "listening to" option. Right now it's "I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper)" by T-Pain.

Catching Up With Octavia Arena

2006-06-20T23:45:00.000-04:00

I've been so incredibly busy and life has been so blogworthy, that I didn't want to write a half assed entry...so I haven't written one at all. I wanted to tell you, in detail, about The Ball, my trip to Miami, the wonderful sessions I did there, my fast headspace switch back to nanny in the Hamptons, Leather Pride Night and what I think about sessioning with guys from what I consider my dating pool. But guess what? I never got around to it. And now all those things seems like ancient history already.

So here's a few thoughts, just so you know I'm still here. I'm sessioning. A lot. Who knows how often you think pro-dommes work. The truth is that it is the same as any other kind of freelance work (expect perhaps that my per hour take home pay is probably significantly higher than most). I can earn a grand in one evening and then not work for three weeks. But lately that is not the case, in fact, I've been seeing clients nearly daily. Far from burning out, playing so often has only made me love what I do so much more. I won't accept appointments for sessions that are incompatible with my own interests. Why bother? I'm not interested in just seeing someone once for a session neither of us enjoyed. I much prefer a client who I can really play with, push to new levels and basically grow with. It isn't just about having a masochist suffer more and more for me, (though I won't deny how much I love that) it is the trust that is built only over time. Chemistry is always key and sure you can tell immediately if it is there or not, however, when I'm in session with the men that I play with regularly the intensity is entirely different.

In the last couple of weeks I've done several family-themed roleplays. I've been the sexy, bratty niece teaching her uncle how to be a slut, the angry sister-in-law punishing her sister's husband for his infidelity, the nurturing mommy assuring her son that his transgression hurt her far more than the spanking she is administering hurts him and the older sister who caught her brother wearing her panties. As an only child who has not yet had any children, I don't even qualify for three of the four roles I played.

This is just to say...

2006-05-31T03:37:00.000-04:00

yes, I'm still alive. Preparations for The Ball have taken over my life. And though the doors open in less than 48 hours, I have no idea what I'll be wearing. Of course my phone continues to ring off the hook with session inquiries, precisely when I am not accepting appointments until Friday. I'm also available this weekend, however Monday morning I am off to Miami! I'll be there and available for sessions in Ft. Lauderdale through Friday June 9th. I've had a bizarre increase in requests for travel to Boston. Quite possibly my least favorite city ever. Not going to happen. Sorry slaves in Beantown, make your way to NYC.

Spending $ to make $$

2006-05-24T03:18:00.000-04:00

So...I guess that whole advertising thing works. I finally put listings up on domina.ms and eros. I've played more in the last seven days than I had in the previous month. I hate turning down appointments, but I can't do many days like today. Day job for eight hours, an hour in the gym and then in the dungeon until nearly 1am. But DAMN I AM HAVING FUN!!!!!! I seem to have finally discovered the magical combination of language and images to consistently bring me exactly the kind of play partners I enjoy!

Highlights of my scenes this week include something I've wanted to do since I started Muay Thai...HUMAN PUNCHING BAG! Full force front kicks sent him FLYING across the room! My trainer was deeply amused to hear how I put his coaching to use. Also, I don't think I ever realized before how much I enjoy spitting. Other super fun activities this week: tampon fetching races at Paddles, my first successful fisting scene (my hands are HUGE for that sort of play!), working the Cobra Stinger into nearly every scene, making excellent use of my rudimentary rope bondage skills (causing one client to teasingly call me Midori Goldberg), MORE ball kicking and some really intense choking and breath play. Who gets to have a better time at work than me?

The Post-Session Email

2006-05-19T20:00:00.000-04:00

I love hearing how my clients feel about our sessions. This is a note I received the other day:

Mistress,

Please do not misinterpret my silence of the last several days. It does not signify indifference to You or to our last session. I have had a lot to do, at home and at work. I have tried to be responsible, and have often been very tired when I go to bed. But I have been sorely tempted to chuck the responsible behavior and write long emails to You. Just so You know.

I totally loved that session, even though roleplays appeal to us so much that we both want to return to them. I’m not used to playing myself but, as I mentioned, not having to think in role was a bit easier mentally, and allowed me to concentrate on the sensations and the mind fuck. And there were plenty of those.

The ice and hot wax didn’t hurt, but they did feel weird and spooky, especially in sequence. You seemed surprised that I didn’t find them painful. Do other guys react more strongly?

No one has tickled me for many years, so I had forgotten how I react to it. You looked as if You had a lot of fun, so I guess trying to convince You not to tickle me in future would be a waste of time?

You had threatened so much ball-kicking over the previous weeks that I was certain You would do it. Object lesson in not second-guessing Mistress Octavia. Instead: CBT and NT with Your nails, the Wartenburg wheel, and Your new toy, the Cobra Stinger. Fear-inducing, alternately and unpredictably pleasant and painful sensations. I still shudder thinking about it.

In contrast, there is nothing pleasant about being spanked and caned. Just sharp pain, mitigated only by its brevity. You are gauging the duration and intensity well. I was at the edge of needing to say “Red”, but I managed to hold on, for the sake of Your fun and my self-respect.

Of course, the sensation play and corporal punishment were accompanied by a big helping of bondage and humiliation. Allowing You to tie me up brings home more than anything else that I am helpless, completely in Your power, dependent on Your skill, experience, and sanity to emerge undamaged at the other end. It is more than just a transfer of power - it’s a leap of faith, a statement of trust.

When I mentioned later that evening that Your legs were outrageous, I didn’t mean just how they look. My God, woman, You pinned me down with one leg, and I couldn’t do a thing about it! Talk about feeling humiliated and totally inferior! You are a Goddess and an Amazon, and I am nowhere in Your league, but I have to talk this over with my trainer at the gym. I can’t continue to let You toy with me like this.

Worshipping Your ass and feet is both a privilege and a sensual pleasure for me. It would also be an intolerable humiliation, except that, for some strange reason, I enjoy being humiliated by You. It’s just part of the natural order of things. BTW, Your feet are so long that, when I lick slowly, it seems to take an eternity to get from one end to another. Count me among those who admire Your feet for both their beauty and their size.

The trampling and breast smothering were awesome. They are among the most potent weapons in Your arsenal, because they start out feeling gentle and soft, but can suddenly turn dangerous. I very much appreciate the care with which You have used those weapons. It seemed this time as if You were attempting to cut off my breath for a few seconds. It was genuinely frightening! The ideal pressure, from my POV, is tight enough that I can’t escape without strength fueled by panic and adrenaline. I know that You could overwhelm that, too, but I hope You will resist the temptation; my daughter is counting on a few more years of tuition payments. And corpses are so inconvenient.

Breast smothering is not only a form of humiliation, but tease and denial as well. Once or twice You also put your face close to mine and stared straight into my eyes. In the abstract I know that I should keep my hands (and lips) to myself, but temptation seems to follow the inverse square rule. I feel like I’m in a classic approach-avoidance conflict. Lab rats placed in such conflict tend to become paralyzed by confusion or totally neurotic.

Not that that was the only way You were screwing with my mind. You actually had me convinced that I had made You angry and You were punishing me. You were very insightful in making me list the possible reasons and letting me stew in the possibilities by not confirming. This succeeded because I am so anxious to please You, so concerned about messing up our relationship, somewhat na¿ve (just as you said) … and because You are so convincing. Well, You can laugh at me now, Mistress, but I guarantee You that I won’t fall for this ploy again for at least 3 months.

Last year that session would have been wonderful. After a drought of 7 months, I felt exhilarated and restored.

You are exceptionally talented, Mistress, in mind, body, and spirit. I am grateful for my good fortune in finding You. I hope that I continue to be fun for You to play with, and hope that we have many years ahead of us, as domme/sub and as friends.

I'm the Best Cyber-Stalker You Know!

2006-05-13T21:44:00.000-04:00

My birthday was phenomenal. I was surrounded by some of the people I love most in the world. It was an impromptu gathering of a dozen people for dinner expanding to about two dozen for drinks afterward. It also seems that my invitation to explore my wishlist was taken seriously, as amazon boxes continue to arrive!

I've been told by several friends that I'm the best cyber-stalker they know. Is it a crime to know how to use google? Researching topics (or people) I find interesting is just a part of my nature. When my parents' marriage ended, I went to the library and sat down with a few books on divorce. Research equals knowledge, that's all. So is it somehow creepy that I found the myspace profiles of my two most recent "crushes" (ie: guys I do not know at all but find kinda cute and interesting)? I don't think so. Maybe the fact that I messaged them could be construed as such.

What I find bizarre is that they both cook for a living. The first is Sam Mason, the pastry chef at wd-50. Before I even knew that he was adorable, I was falling in love with his palate-exploding deserts. I still eat there on a semi-regular basis. I've never gone in just to see him, THAT would be psychotic. I have however, just gone in for desert. Here is his myspace profile.

The other is a touch more embarrassing. Remember how I finally got cable a few months ago? Well...I seem to have become a fan of Top Chef, in particular, of Harold Dieterle.

Random thing...I'm out nannying in the Hamptons this weekend. Am I a total pervert or just a multitasking thinker? While I was playing with the kids on the swingset this afternoon, I was admiring my pedicure and thinking what a great photoshoot I could do there.

Inspiration--Many Forms

2006-04-21T02:19:00.000-04:00

Honestly there have been a bunch of topics floating around my brain (bleeding, if you will...hehehehe) but I haven't gotten around to actually writing about them.

If this were a school paper I'd create an outline and flesh it out appropriately...

Fire Play

Shibari 101

Multi-Culti Easter

Niteflirt Marathon Calls

Kinky Boots

Birthday

Infantilism

The Ball

New Toy!

Ok let's see if I can actually maintain this steam and say what I've got to say about ALL of the above topics....

Awhile back I did an impromptu Violet Wand demo over at Rapture. As I'm sure I've mentioned a gadzillion times, the Wand is one of my favorite toys. Sheer versatility...the ability to move from sensual to severe (isn't that just THE MOST overused phrase in domme advertising???) but it's true; I can deliver a delicious gentle spark directly from my nipples (through my corset, you filthy minded thing!) to a sub's back or make him scream and writhe. I included a bit about fireplay at the demo. After putting my training into use, the other day one of them passed a tip back to me that I can not wait to use. Immediately upon hearing this trick of the trade that had never even occurred to me, I was absolutely inspired! I won't go into detail about it here a-I don't want to be responsible for someone untrained trying it and b-if you are so desperate to find out, come session with me! I also really love the synergy of having taught someone something and then re-learning it myself, new and improved!

Shibari 101 is what I'm jokingly calling the hour or so I spent with a close friend the other night. On a weekly basis I turn down at least two or three session requests; if a client's primary interest is rope bondage, I'll tell him straight out that I'm just not the right domme. For many years, I've maintained that rope bondage just isn't my scene. The truth is that I never really learned it properly, had a poor experience in session once and have basically avoided it since. How ridiculous! I'm a pro-domme missing a basic BDSM skill set. After a (thankfully brief) lecture on the merits of hemp rope and how to finish it (which I am certain I will never do) he taught me a few basic knots and ties and suddenly I was full of confidence! It was so simple! So...I'm certainly not an expert (yet!) but my enthusiasm for rope bondage has been rekindled (rather lit for the first time really). Don't be surprised if I'm now finding a way to work ropes into every session I do just for the practice.

We now interrupt this kinky inspiration tirade with a bit about my vanilla day job. Read the first line under the title of the blog again, did you forget that I'm a nanny? I spent last weekend out in the Hamptons with the that family I work for. It was not intentional, but I can not deny that I'm endlessly amused that on Easter Sunday I served the children Matzoh Ball soup for lunch. They'd never had it before and they really liked it. It was good (thank you fresh direct), but couldn't compare to my Mom's. I redeemed my blasphemous act by boiling and dying THREE DOZEN eggs with them later in the afternoon. That was a comedy sketch in itself, as neither their Mom or I cook. The middle child was recently asked in school how long it takes his mother to make dinner, he answered as long as it takes to pick up the phone. I probably had never boiled an egg in my life before this Easter Egg Extravaganza. I filled a large stew? soup? pot with water, set it to boil and then began gently placing all 36 eggs into the boiling water. It turns out that is not the right way to do it. Only 27 eggs made it to the hunt.

I'm taking niteflirt calls regularly again. It sorta blows my mind that I can earn nearly the same amount, laying in bed smoking cigarettes, discussing what I've done in session, as I can actually going into the dungeon and doing a session.

In less than two weeks, May 4th, to be exact, I will turn 31. I believe some shopping is in order. My wishlists are available at Amazon and Fetish Factory. Why are you still reading this? Get shopping!

I will go on about infantilism some other time.

The 13th Black and Blue Ball is June 1st at Avalon. No, I have no idea yet what I'll be wearing. I always approach the Ball with a touch of apprehension. I do so much work for it that as it gets closer, my days become a blur. I've only twice attended as just a guest and truthfully I had a great time those years, but typically I spend the evening running around behind the scenes. I will be there and damn it, I'm going to make some time to enjoy myself this year! Tickets only go up in price as the date nears, so

Wow, I can't believe I've kept my attention focused enough to nearly get through that list! I was given a new toy today. The Cobra Stinger is damn cute, with a mild bite. I adore it and have been toying with it all day.

Ok so I missed infantilism and kinky boots. I'll get to them soon, I promise.

The Rundown or Basic Things to Know...

2006-04-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

about me right now. The Caribbean was amazing as per usual. Yes I'm still tan. Unfortunately I do have tan lines as I only spent one day on the nude beach at Orient Point. I won and actually left a casino with 1500 bucks and would have actually made it home with my winnings if our flight hadn't been cancelled, forcing us to spend the night in St. Maarten. I graciously returned 600 dollars to the casino coffers.

Last weekend I ended things with the sweetest guy I've ever met. He was truly a great guy and will make someone deeply happy, unfortunately I am not that woman.

In a few hours something totally amazing will happen...
On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. Didn't you ever make a wish when the numbers lined up? Like at 3:45pm?

You want me? Skype me!

2006-03-20T21:58:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah, I know I've been a lazy blogger again. I actually have several unfinished posts, that I will probably get done this week since...I'm in Anguilla! I'm not normally a product hyper, but skype is brilliant. And if you have any desire to speak with me this week, skype is the only way it is gonna happen. (email me for my user name) With everyone having cellphones these days, long distance calling is no longer an issue, unless you are calling internationally. Basically skype is like AIM or any insant message program, however it uses voice. If you are on a pc, you need a microphone in and you can either use your speakers or earphones for audio out. But of course my lovely ibook requires no additional equipment. Its internal mic & speakers work perfectly!

Damn I Love Foot Fetishists!

2006-03-03T08:18:00.000-05:00

I'd have to read through my archives to be sure, but I'm confident that every six months or so I post an "ode to the foot fetishist." Before I became a pro-domme I had only had my toes sucked once. I was in college, on a road trip and my bare feet hanging over the passenger seat proved too much temptation for one of my companions to resist. I was confused by how good it felt because I had not yet accepted feet as a sexual region. I still thought they were dirty, gross and ugly. I adore foot fetishists for opening that door for me. Now, I absolutely love having my toes sucked, my soles licked and the ball and heel gently nibbled on. I can now accept the compliments on the size of my feet, the curve of my arches, the spacing between my toes and the wrinkles of my soles.

There are so many variables when it comes to a foot fetish session. Will the attention come from a place of worship and devotion or does it need to be forced as a form of humiliation? Must my feet be freshly pedicured, straight from the salon or have they been marinating in sweat all day? Last night my client reverently removed my snow boots, plastic bags and two pair of socks to reveal my damp and stinkily fragrant feet. After an hour of his tongue washing my feet, ankles and calves, my panties were soaking wet.

Kinky Korners...

2006-03-02T00:18:00.000-05:00

Gloria Brame, author of Different Lovingposes an interesting q on her blog. In response to the town currently being built with plans as follows

"the town’s stores won’t be allowed to sell pornographic magazines, pharmacies won’t sell condoms or birth control pills, and there will be no X-rated channels on cable television.

She proposes:

"Anyway...instead of morbid visions of apocalyptic America, dividing into warring city/states ruled by despots and religious fanatics, one could dwell on the happier fantasy of a quaint little future-town called Kinky Corners....yeah...way better. Way happier. Way less realistic but what the hell....

No one under 18 allowed! Compulsory spankings! The return of public stocks - only these will be equipped with vibrators! Dungeons on every block, where you can stop in for a "quickie" before heading home! All-Roman-Polanski art-houses, all the time! Appearing in public in bermuda shorts and white socks punishable by fine!
...
So...would you live in a BDSM town? What would your SM utopia look like?"

I've just posed her q on maxfisch. But I realize I never answered the q myself.

Would I live in Kinky Korners? No, probably not. There's always the OWK but this is probably part of why I'm not a huge fan of BDSM clubs or parties. When I play, it is an intimate thing. I don't appreciate other people's private lives being thrown into mine...why would I drag anyone else into my playtime? Sure I've played publicly. And I appreciate the support I've found in the BDSM community. However, exhibitionist as I may seem, I can actually be incredibly private.

When Supposed Grown-Ups Go Sledding

2006-02-26T22:48:00.000-05:00

Wanna know what I did this weekend? Snow tubing! Ridiculously silly and fun. It was more about the roadtrip as we were on the road for nearly three hours each way and on the "slope" for less than two, but damn we had a great time.

Why do my sessions always run so thematically? A few weeks ago it was all about the corporal beat down, three clients in a row who could actually receive marks! And now it seems the foot fetishists are fiending for me. But where, oh where, are the electrics guys? I really want to explore the potential of my (no longer so new) TENS unit!

2006-02-13T14:26:00.000-05:00

It has been almost three weeks since my last post. I've played a few times and while my sessions were fun, I just don't really have anything to say about them. Actually I haven't had much to say about anything. I've been in this very non-contemplative space for the last several weeks. Until this this weekend. All I did was talk. Hours upon hours of random meandering conversations, primarily with boyfriend, who I referred to as "the warm vanilla body waiting in my bed" as I departed from byte last night.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I adore the OED

2006-01-24T21:17:00.000-05:00

OK, I've gone on before about how much I idolize the OED. Imagine how thrilling I found this entry on Maud's blog...I spent half an hour entering random words. When I was younger it was the derivation, the roots that fascinated me. Now it all about usage. When and where a word first appeared in print, the quotations used to illustrate its meaning. Words just continually captivate me. I've had some very ADD moments where I'll stumble across a word and everything stops while it bounces around my brain.

People Who Smoke Weed Are Morons, yeah I was stoned.

2006-01-24T03:12:00.000-05:00

I'm still recovering from my dental debacle, nearly there though (I hope!). Understandably I haven't been available for session over the last few weeks, so I've no session stories to share. I saw the 24 Hours On Craigslist movie. However I am unable to give a proper review, as I was stoned. I thought it was hysterical, but my opinion on anything that evening can not be considered reliable. I haven't smoked weed in close to a decade. But I had a houseguest. A friend from my ancient past; sometimes it just makes sense to walk down memory lane. It's kinda embarrassing. Anyone who knows me would tell you that I don't do any drugs outside of caffeine and nicotine. (Regularly, that is, I do drink on occasion). I was the complete stereotypical moron stoner. I HATE THOSE PEOPLE!!!!!! The only thing I regret is that a friend of mine was looking for some advice and support while I was ridiculously high. I had no comprehension of what she was trying to tell me, nor was I capable in any way shape or form of giving her my typically solid advice. She's hanging out with the boyfriend she was arguing with that evening tonight, so obviously everything worked itself out. But I still feel terrible that I not only couldn't give her the support she needed, I was utterly oblivious to what she wanted or needed from me that night. They say coke is the ADD drug of choice. A self medicating thing. I've never tried it. But I'll tell you, weed exacerbated my ADD like nothing ever has. I was without an attention span.

In Bed.

2006-01-19T23:33:00.000-05:00

I guess you've all been wondering where the hell I've been. Mostly in bed. Three major things have happened since my last post. I got cable, a new boy and a tooth extracted (with bonus complications!). All of the above conspire to keep me "in bed" more than out and about.

Honestly cable hasn't really thrilled me or incapacitated me as I feared, though I will say I'm grateful for its mindnumbing qualities while I've been trying to numb the right side of my face. The new boy is sweet. Very, very sweet. While I was still in bed on a recent Sunday morning, he went out and bought the makings for chocolate chip pancakes (and made them!). And that's really all I have to say about him for public consumption. The tooth: I've got quite a bit to say about this. Last Thursday evening I had a toothache. By Friday morning I was in agony and went to see a dentist as an emergency case. While I have obtained health insurance for myself, I do not have dental. I'd only heard good things about the NYU dental school clinic. Figuring that an extraction is pretty basic for a dentist and that they wouldn't let the students work on people if they were clueless, adding in the bargain basement price of $90 including follow-up visits...I went in.

The first "student dentist" I saw was terrific. She had been a dentist in Russia and was enrolled toward being certified here. She inspired absolute confidence. However once we determined that an extraction was necessary, she handed me off to the Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery department. Things went immediately downhill. My new student dentist promptly dissolved my confidence in her abilities by numbing the wrong side of my mouth. I got freaked out and jerked my head away. Her partner took over at that point. While I'd never had any serious dental work done before (I didn't even get my first cavity until I was 18 or 19), I had done some research and THOUGHT I knew what to expect. It was so much more violent than I had expected! The tooth shattered. I felt the bits on my tongue and lips. Finally they called over their professor, he hauled out the drill, and got the roots of my evil tooth out of my head. He then told the wonder twins to irrigate and stitch me up. Five minutes later I was on my way, with a baggie of gauze, a sheet of instructions and no antibiotics or painkillers. But hey, they know what they're doing, right? The pain came and went all weekend, I found the most effective dose of motrin to be about 6 tablets. But I was utterly out of commission. Monday and Tuesday I had some pain, but was successfully controlling it with the super doses of motrin. However Wednesday afternoon, the pain was so intense I couldn't concentrate on anything and finally called the clinic. They told me to come back in. I requested and got the wonderful initial Russian chick. It seems I had developed an infected dry socket that had a large amount of debris. So she and her partner clean out the hole in my jaw pulling out about four pieces of bone that had been floating around, jabbing into my gums and being generally problematic. They also call over their professor to check me out. He proceeds to pull another four or five pieces out, irrigates me and stitches me up himself. I'm now hopped up on mega-sized prescription motrin pills and antibiotics. I've been in bed all day.

Happy New Year

2006-01-05T00:32:00.000-05:00

Since my thoughts on New Year's resolutions are in this week's Village Voice, I thought I'd share the most recent pic of my legs:

Books: Dusted. slave: utterly powerless beneath me

2005-12-28T11:02:00.000-05:00

I allowed a slave to come to my apt yesterday. I gave him a menial, mindless task that actually brought great satisfaction to me. He began dusting and cleaning my books. One by one he removed them from the shelf and wiped every side with a damp cloth.

I was wearing jeans and a black sweater, but my feet were bare. When he arrived, I allowed him to kiss my feet hello. He confessed that he had never considered himself a foot fetishist, but he found the curve of my toes outrageously sexy.

I used him as a foot rest while I smoked a cigarette. I was so aroused by the control I held over him. There was a moment where I knew that I owned him entirely. He would literally do anything I ordered.

Your Wife Might Ask, "What does "OCIR OTRE" mean and why is it on your ass, honey?"

2005-12-24T09:35:00.000-05:00

I neglected to mention the best souvenir I picked up in Puerto Rico because it was a gift I didn't want to spoil. Since it has now been given, I can tell you all about it! There are many gift stands en route to the rainforest, all basically selling the same few trinkets, but when we were headed out, after our hike (and my swim) we stopped for a bite at a literal shack. I browsed their meager selection and saw nothing of note until I found the basket of wooden machetes. Why they sell pieces of wood shaped like machetes emblazoned (is that even a word?) with the words "PUERTO RICO" in alternating red and green letters, I really do not know. However, I looked at these "machetes" and immediately thought of them as wooden paddles! I gave my right calf a few thwacks to test it out (yes, I received some odd glances for that move)and promptly purchased two. One for my personal collection and the other was my holiday gift to the Ladies of Rapture. I know it isn't going to hold up past a heavy masochist (hell, I watched Emanuelle split a one-inch-thick paddle over a client's ass) but it will make it through many light paddlings and I know I'll smile every time I use mine!

BTW, I really do love that the jitney has wireless. I feel so sci-fi cruising down the highway while on the web.

Back In the Cold

2005-12-23T10:53:00.001-05:00

Over all I had a great time in Puerto Rico. My primary activities were reading on the beach and playing blackjack. I managed to make it to the gym a few times and took a hike through El Yunque (I was the only member of my tour to brave swimming the pools and waterfalls). I went out to dinner with random people I met along the way. A few days in, I booked a massage and scrub with the resort spa. When the therapist came to get me from the waiting room, I was immediately disappointed. She was older and slight. I like a strong massage and I couldn't imagine this tiny woman had it in her to work my muscles the way I like them done. Turns out she's been doing massage for thirty years and she was amazing. Possibly among the best I've ever had. Something odd happened during the massage though. Out of absolutely nowhere I started thinking about my father. It had been over a year since we last spoke and several years since I've seen him. I thought about how this vacation had the fingerprints of his taste all over it. Both of my parents, really. I thought about how my mom would take me on vacations like this and I decided to call him and depending on how the conversation went, invite him down to join me. The conversation went well enough. But he is just a shell of the man I knew growing up. I offered him a fully paid vacation including a gambling stake and he turned me down. He couldn't be bothered to travel.

I'm back in NYC just for a day, then it's off to the Hamptons tomorrow morning.

Most Memorable Moments

2005-12-17T19:15:00.000-05:00

I'm enjoying Puerto Rico with the exception of one thing...they don't sell camel lights here! Perhaps you do not understand quite how devastating this is for me. I took a cab to 8 stores in search of them! I finally settled for Camel Turkish Gold which some salesperson tried to assure me was the PR equivalent, but they're different. I know it.

There was a maxfisch thread about most memorable moments in session, not best sessions, just those moments you'll never forget. For those of you who don't read maxville, here's what I had to say:

I don't know if I'd call these my "best dungeon moments" but I'll certainly never forget any of them.

1--While still a house Mistress, a client had been booked for me. He specifically requested that we forgo the consult as he did not want to encounter me out of role: Strict Uber Bitch Dominatrix. Along with the list of activities he enjoyed he also specifically requested that I not smile at any time. I remember that I paused outside the dungeon door, arranged my cleavage and my game face. With an angry glare I threw the door open. Naked, kneeling with his head to the floor in the center of the room was the youngest, hottest, most hard body client I had encountered at that time. A twinge of a smile started to cross my face and I stilled it. But then he looked up and in a booming Australian accent, he said "G'day Mistress!" I actually lost it and started laughing hysterically.

2--The first time I came in session. Somewhere after my lifestyle play during my early pro-domme days I'd been taught that session was not my "sex." So while I still enjoyed playing, I never thought of it as sexual for me. I was wearing a strap-on and literally fucking my client's face. I had him by his hair and I'll admit that he took my revenge for any time my head had ever been pushed or held down while giving a blow job. Caught up in the rush of power, I don't recall actually realizing that I'd found the correct angle to have the base of the harness rubbing my clit. But suddenly I was coming and I locked my thighs around his head with the dildo still deep in his throat and bucked all over that couch. When he left and I went back to the locker room I was all flushed and confused with my mind racing: Was that "ok?" Did I just break a dungeon rule?

3--Many years ago I had a regular with a cannibalism fantasy. Over the years I "prepared to eat him" various ways, but the moment I'll never forget was the terror in his eyes as I brandished a bloody handful of raw chopped meat, claimed it was the leftovers from the little boy I ate last week, bit off a chunk and threw the rest at him as he laid bound on the floor. It hit his torso with a wet thwack and rivulets of blood ran all over him. he kept looking at his chest and looking at me over and over again. God that was a great moment!

Not That You Were Actually Worried....

2005-12-16T13:06:00.000-05:00

but I've safely made it to the beach. Hooray for wireless!

JFK

2005-12-16T06:55:00.000-05:00

OK, so there's no MTA strike. Did this matter in any way whatsoever to me? No. Besides the fact that I'm a total cab-whore, I live on the LES and work in SoHo (and I'm headed out of the city for the next week). I barely ever use public transit anyway. I'm sitting in JFK waiting for my (currently 15 minutes delayed) flight to PR. JetBlue's free wireless rocks, particularly since I never got around to picking up a book to read on the flight. I've just tabbed out about two dozen pages of blogs and articles to read en route.

Watched Unleashed last night. I can't believe I missed this flick in the theaters. I'd heard good things about it, but popped the dvd in knowing absolutely nothing about the plot line. The fight scenes are terrific. There's a group fight that reminded me of the amazing hallway sequence in Oldboy.

Flight boarding...catch ya later. I just had a horrible, "what if I die on this flight" thought and...ugh, I'm totally not afraid of flying. But I'll check back in to let you all know I made it.

Casual Sex Rules

2005-12-14T21:20:00.000-05:00

Now, if I'd only known they were counting on me! I actually had lunch at Balthazar this afternoon and though I would never have noticed, my fashion savvy companion pointed out that we were standing beside Anna Wintour and Diane Von Furstenberg. There was actually a vine/bush covered screen that was disassembled after they left the restaurant.

This morning a friend asked me what the etiquette is regarding a sick Fuck Buddy. Should she bring him soup? Absolutely not! That's his girlfriend's job. I realize this is a topic that I probably know far too much about that perhaps the world at large does not. NYC casual sex definitely has rules. Why don't people know them? What should I call this book of protocol? Keep it simple...perhaps "Friends With Benefits" But I've always hated that term. I'm not friends with my fuckbuddies! Obviously we get along, and I enjoy their company, but they are certainly not who I call when I'm in crisis. "Casual Sex Rules" I kinda like that one. Eh, titles can come later.

Here's a set of five casual sex etiquette rules:
1. The term "booty call" is from the 90's. It's nearly 2006, if you're drunk and horny at 2 am, the proper procedure is to send a text message. This is beneficial on several levels, a-if your fb is asleep (particularly beside their significant other) this is neither obtrusive or offensive, b-your friends beside you in the bar (or the person walking their dog as you stumble home from said bar) don't need to know how horny you are or what you'd like to do to your fb, text messaging is discreet!

2. Birthday and holiday gift exchanges. Again, NO! NO! NO! Kindly keep your fb relationship in perspective. The two of you strictly serve each other's carnal needs. Is there any gift that could top that? Fuck Buddies are NSA (no strings attached) soooooo if one of you buys a gift then the other is obligated to reciprocate. How uncomfortable! Why waste valuable foreplay time with unwrapping and niceties of that nature? The breath wasted on your insincere "I love it!" would be much better spent on your lover's earlobe or genitalia.

3. Spending the night. Definitely acceptable. Makes morning sex so much more convenient! Coffee? Morning smoke? Sure! Go ahead, but please don't expect to go for brunch. Now, a One Night Stand is different, breakfast could be a possibility. Who knows? This might be your next significant other. But if the boundaries have already been established and you are not in fact dating, why go through the charade that you are?

4. Ironically, this list has been interrupted by a rule number one. Ok getting back to business. Yes, you can tell your fb precisely how you would like to be done. Sure I understand you might not want to tell a potential life partner about your dirtiest and kinkiest fantasies, there's a fear of personal rejection in that situation. (But then again should you be spending the rest of your life with someone who isn't interested in what you really want?) I digress. Basically your fb is there to get you off, suitable partners for this type of endeavor will be (as you should be) open to instruction and correction. You should not be in bed with someone that you can not talk about sex with.

5. PART ONE: You may continue to date or engage in a serious relationship while employing the services of a Fuck Buddy. In fact, this is encouraged. (Before anyone gives me shit about the conflict of a FB engaging in a serious relationship, I ask you to recall the following things, a-I personally do not believe in monogamy and maintain a complete separation between the physical and the emotional, b-I am not responsible for anyone else's commitments, c-most people cheat) Depending upon the individual FB relationship, your dating or "real relationship" exploits may or may not be discussed. If permitted, however, it is poor etiquette to compare and contrast your partners.

5. PART TWO: It is NOT acceptable to engage a FB with a significant other that you know. This means your best friend's, sibling's, band-mate's and co-worker's boy or girl friend is off limits. One would think this is self evident. But for those of you who might make this grave tactical error, remember, a FB is a casual, strictly sexual based relationship. This situation will lead to emotional behavior resulting in uncomfortable social situations, accusations, basically all the stuff a FB is meant to avoid. Do not confuse being the FB of someone in a "real relationship" with "having an affair." Refrain from emotional investment in your FB at all costs, it will only hurt you. Mistaking lust for love in a FB situation is breaking the rules.

Mood: exceedingly accomplished!

2005-12-14T02:15:00.000-05:00

I finally finished revamping my site! I'm particularly proud of the gallery section, I went to battle with the html gods and won. I think, so if you are in windows or some browser I didn't properly code it for, do let me know ASAP. While I'm thrilled to put so many photos up that have never been on the web, I wish they were all new shots. But since my face has remained essentially unchanged since I was 15, I'm not concerned that photos a few years old misrepresent how I look. Full disclosure: the blue latex dress shots are just a few months old, everything else is at least 5 years old. BUT....I do have several photo shoots scheduled after my return from San Juan, so the next update is not so far away.

While engaged in conversation with a new acquaintence, I was reminded of this post. I gave that attentive smile and nod while he went on about a current political topic that I knew absolutely nothing about. My smile was perhaps a touch more genuine as I thought about dashing into the bathroom to google the topic.

gifts...

2005-12-13T10:35:00.000-05:00

Last night, after the Arena Holiday party, I met up with one of my best friends, his gf and a few of her friends at yuppie bar. I ordered my new favorite pretentious cocktail, a dirty vodka martini. I wouldn't order it at most of the bars I hang out in, so I was disappointed that it was not quite as amazing as the last time I had had it (when I ended up having four or five of them). I had a good time: random conversation, engaged in a Ms. Pacman duel, but the evening ended with my receipt of another perfect hanamas (for those of you not in the know, that is hanukkah and christmas combined) gift. I've received several absolutely amazing gifts and the holidays are still weeks away! OK, as much as I love the stuff I've received from my wishlist I am somewhat amazed at how my friends have chosen items for me that have brought me instant and complete joy. I, on the other hand, have purchased only one gift thus far, for a seven year old. I love shopping, I love giving gifts, but I hate this whole time frame pressure thing. What if I don't find the right present before the last week of December? And what is up with all this early gift giving?

Flip Flop Sidewalk Toes

2005-12-09T11:28:00.000-05:00

This is a photo I took last summer of three NYC Mistress' sweaty and dirty, nyc street walking feet. Can you guess who they belong to?

Clockwise, starting at 3 o'clock, is ME! Then Nico of Rapture and Cyber.

My Frame of Reference...

2005-12-09T02:59:00.000-05:00

I responded to Ardenne's post on Max Fisch entitled I can't even *think* vanilla! with the exact moment that I realized my frame of reference had changed forever. Many years ago I was asked to write a press release for Arena about our Valentine's Day Couples' Rental Special. The idea had been to appeal to a novice or more vanilla crowd via mainstream media (scenesters already knew our playspaces were available for rentals). "No problem!" I thought. But after about five or ten minutes in front of the screen, I said, "um...I really can't remember what vanilla people think happens at a dungeon. Everything I want to write either contains terms they won't get or will sound way too threatening."

Then a few weeks ago, I met a guy that I thought I was interested in. I sent him the links to this blog and my site. I told him that he'd learn more about me than he might even want to know, but I'm really open about who I am and what I do. The questions from his vanilla point of view were suprising to me. At first there were the obvious ones, terminology, what's CBT? (guess he didn't know that I'm in the midst of reading Family Jewels, a guide to male genital play and torment) NT? But then came the q's that illustrated that he really did not understand the BDSM dynamic. Dildo worship & training? Fisting? Did he miss the fact that I am the dominant player? Did he momentarily think I was a peep show girl? Obviously, I cleared up his misconceptions.

Why are my sessions always so thematic? The other day I saw two trample & smother clients. One of the sessions was a double Mistress with Emanuelle. During our consult he told us that while he was a novice, he really enjoyed trampling, "go crazy," he said, "bounce if you want." I'm sure you know that we took that comment and ran with it! I laughed so much while we absolutely crushed him!

You Really Can Buy Anything on eBay

2005-12-07T08:51:00.000-05:00

I don't know how I hadn't heard about this previously. It took nearly three weeks and an email from a friend in Chicago. Ace Bar is for sale on eBay. Absolutely insane. I spent a tremendous portion of my adolescence drinking at this spot. Before it was Ace, it was The Mission. Back when I was in highschool and when I'd come home during college, this was my bar of choice. Granted, since I've lived in the neighborhood over the last decade I haven't really frequented it all that much, but I did have my 25th birthday party there (yes it had a theme, I forced everyone to dress as their favorite 80's teen angst movie character). There are no bids listed as of yet, perhaps it is just a publicity stunt, I know it's worked for me, I'll definitely stop in for a drink before I leave for PR.

This Week...

2005-12-04T23:13:00.000-05:00

So the good news is that my knee is nearly healed, the great news is that I've finally figured out where I'm lounging on the beach for a week in late December! I'm headed to Puerto Rico. Absolutely alone and it is going to be phenomenal.

I spent time reworking my site this weekend. Why is it that every domme's website is black and red???? I'll let you all know when it is actually ready to be unveiled.

Something happened this week that leaves me utterly bewildered. I trusted someone that perhaps I shouldn't have. I am ashamed of my gullibility, angry at myself and yet saddened deeply by the whole experience.

She's Got Legs, She Knows How To Use Them (even when one isn't quite up to par)

2005-12-02T08:46:00.000-05:00

I saw two new foot and leg clients this week. Ironic that the demand for my legs is rising as my knee injury made wearing fetish heels a near impossibility (but thanks to my AMAZING chiropractor, I'm well en route to 100%). I forced the first to go through several hoops to see me as I mistakenly thought he was someone who had previously no-showed me. He was absolutely sincere in his devotion to my feet. I find it amusing how men who enjoy legs and feet are consistently awed by mine. He was quite sweet as he lay on the floor gazing up at me with unabashed adoration that continued even as I crushed his cock with my foot. This guy was young, hard bodied and huge-cocked. I only note his size because it was larger than my foot! The other new client was also endearing after a misunderstanding in a completely different way. He was an older gentleman and so clear in his desires during consult that I had no idea it was his first session ever. He requested physical overpowerment and muscle worship. Throughout the session he made several inappropriate requests, such as asking me to remove my panties and to kiss my lips(!?!?!). I punished him each time, but it wasn't until afterward that I realized he wasn't trying to push my limits, he just didn't know the boundaries of professional bdsm. I asked how he had found me and he told me he had clipped the phone number from a magazine years ago. Why now? I asked and he truly couldn't tell me. But he made the most flattering comment, how decades of fantasy couldn't begin to compare with actually sessioning with me.

edited to add: I just d/l the song referenced in the title and it is horrible! My recollection of it is sooooo much better than the reality

No, I don't read the NY Post

2005-12-01T11:27:00.000-05:00

I understand how a client may become addicted to his domme, but did he really think charging her services to his company credit card would just go unnoticed????

Moronic bit of behavior with severe consequences, followed by PANTIES, PANTIES, PANTIES!

2005-11-28T11:54:00.000-05:00

I had a great Thanksgiving weekend. Spent it out in the Hamptons with the family I work for. Saturday morning I took the kids on a two hour bike ride adventure. We found this cool futuristic junglegym and climbed all over it together. The middle child was a bit sugared up so in the interest of burning off some of his excess energy, I had him running the length of a huge field while I kept time by screaming the seconds as they passed. He made great time and I told him that maybe when he was older he would run track. "What's running track?" asks the adorable near seven-year-old. I explain that it is a sport in high school, mostly racing but there are other parts as well and that when I was I high school I ran track. Over the hill I spy the goalposts of a football field, "Hey, let's go check that out, most football fields have tracks around them, I can show you what I'm talking about." Not only is the field encircled by a perfect blacktop, sixlane track, there are hurdles set up! Did it occur to me that I haven't jumped hurdles is 15 years? No. Did it occur to me that I'd never jumped hurdles in cowboy boots? No. I actually cleared both of the hurdles I attempted. Nice. However, I landed poorly on the second and seem to have done something that my left knee finds unacceptable. I'm limping. It can bear weight, isn't swollen, but isn't willing to fully extend either. I'm resting and giving it a few days. Which leads me to hours of web surfing. And obsessive research on unimportant topics.

A few weeks ago, when Sade and I watched Audition, we discussed the whole Japanese panty vending vachines (ie: bura-sera) thing. She put forth how awesome it would be if we could set one up at Purple Passion or at Rapture (could I be a guest panty seller?). So today with nothing but time on my hands I did some investigating. What do panty vending machines look like? Exhibit A:

It's just a converted cigarette machine! We can so do this!!!! My research also led me to this clip. Which is probably a part of why my craigslist panty selling exploits were so successful. I hand-delivered them. I know I posted one note a received, but this is what a most eloquent gentlemen sent after his purchase:

What can I say? Those panties were off the scale of deliciousness ( ... A, AA, AAA, supreme, extra fine) and into a realm where the olfactory becomes tactile. The humidity was unbearable. At home I stripped, showered, lay naked on my bed in the airconditioning, and proceeded to explore.

There was a subtle gradation of tone moving down from the front and intensifying in the very wet region of the cotton gusset, then a quite sudden and pronounced transition to the area moist with sweat from around your asshole, and where I discovered, to my delight, a single dark pubic hair trapped in the lace. Every part was glorious in its own way.

I then pulled the panties right over my face ("Abu Ghraib" style) with the central gusset area over my nostrils, closed my eyes, breathed deeply and rhythmically and quickly brought myself to two intense orgasms in ten minutes.

Wasting Time part 9,835

2005-11-24T00:12:00.000-05:00

I'm not usually a web video animation watcher and I'm absolutely not a mass forwarder, but in my web travels today I watched two clips (both with audio)that made me smile. For people who love their gmail accounts as much as I do. Clip A. And for those who've read come to my blog after reading my preface (For clients: only proceed if you can handle the fact that I am not always in a corset and six inch heels, for vanilla friends, that I sometimes am.) Clip B is courtesy of Domina M via maxfisch. And yes it is horrific form to take a cell call during session.

What's Been Going On.

2005-11-21T02:13:00.000-05:00

It isn't so much that I haven't had time to write, or that nothing blogworthy has happened, I just haven't been in the mood. Perhaps one day I'll expand on these notes, or you can always ask me for the story in person, I'm told that I tell the tales of my life well.

--Seduced a seminary student. I thought he was attractive before I understood that he would eventually be a priest, but am I an unhinged pervert for wanting him so much more after I found out?

--Had an intense choking session. It has never been an area of particular interest to me, but it seems I'm a natural.

--One of my favorite clients decided that sessioning with me was tantamount to cheating on his wife and that he could no longer continue deceiving her. I talked him away from the edge of confessing to his wife his addiction to me, but lost him as a client. I've always encouraged him to tell her about his fetish, who knows maybe she'd indulge him. But I find it so sad that he will bottle up everything he has discovered with me.

--Upon receiving the coffeemaker/espresso machine I'd placed on my wishlist, I purchased coffee, milk, sugar, chocolate powder, even a bottle of water in case I didn't like the taste of my tap. My lack of domesticity was proven when I realized that I was still missing some key elements for the perfect mocha, namely mugs and spoons. Also once I'd improvised with pint glasses, one must have dishwashing liquid on hand to do it again.

--the art of dating continues to elude me. Received an email from I guy I crushed madly on several months ago to find that meeting me inspired him to book an appointment with a pro-domme. Um, hello? No, it wasn't with me.

--Immigrant women have now scrubbed my floors twice and I do not care how bourgie it makes me, I love having a cleaning lady.

--After watching the entire first season of Carnivale in two sittings, I realize that the only shows to come on TV that have interested me at all in the last decade have been on HBO or Showtime. Too bad I still haven't hooked up cable. But then it is probably a good thing, as I might never leave my apt again.

--Placing all of my books onto my bookshelves gave me a pleasure that I think can only be described as perverse

--The thousand dollar black leather couch that I scored off of craigslist for two hundred bucks also gives me joy that is probably unhealthy.

--Visiting the chiropractor daily for a week after inexplicably blowing out my lower back, the tech comments, "I can't turn the [electro-stim] machine any higher, you've maxed it out." When the doctor has his elbow dug deep into my lower back, "You really have an incredibly high tolerance for pain." Did I miss my calling? Should I have become a pro-masochist instead? Don't even entertain the thought. I have yet to meet the man I would submit to.

--I adore sharing films that I love with people. I showed a hopeless romantic Say Anything and Audition to another sadist. I don't think that the sheer artistry of the torture in that film can be appreciated by someone who has never been in that headspace. What a precise sliver of my psyche is now up for grabs.

--Attended two seminars given by Flagg. As prepared as I was to dislike him (for no rational reason), I was pleasantly surprised. Knowledgeable man.

--visited a friend in the psych ward after a botched suicide attempt. I arrived with Boo Boo Kisses for her wrists. Thankfully she laughed.

Brain Bleed is Three years Old Today!

2005-10-31T10:29:00.000-05:00

Clearing Craig's stuff out of my life the same week that I cleared out my mother's home has had a significant effect. Any vague packratting or hoarding tendencies that I may have had are entirely gone. I am the Mistress of the Purge. Since removing his stuff from my home, I have already filled 8 garbage bags with stuff that I no longer want or need. I am no longer sentimental in reference to things. I want people in my life that I care about, not scraps of paper that represent them. Ok, I'm not a complete minimalist...yet. My bookshelves are still utterly overcrowded and I'm fine with that. I also kept the toy raygun that lights up and makes noise that Snee gave me for a night of debauchery. But that might not make it through the next round. Having never purchased a mattress in my life, I had no idea how expensive beds are! The ones I like are upwards of $1500! I know, I know, The Mistress cleaning her closets and doing domestic shopping isn't all that sexy. Let's see, what has happened that could be considered sexy in the last 24 hours...not much unfortunately. I posted the following image all over myspace:

Kicking Balls and Kicking his Stuff OUT!

2005-10-30T07:08:00.000-05:00

The last two weeks have been overwhelmingly busy. I've done soooo many incredibly fun sessions! There was the return of JimmyBob complete with some very thoughtful props and inspired by my play earlier in the day: BALL KICKING!!! I had been a touch nervous about the appointment I had booked for that morning. My client was clear in his introductory email as well as subsequent appointment phone call that he was a ball busting fetishist. While I have done some over the years, I don't recall ever having been asked for a full hour of slamming my feet into anyone's scrotum. Me being me, I researched it. I read over reviews on Max Fisch, did some general web searching and called a few other Mistresses for tips. I was, of course, an absolute natural! Have you forgotten that I've been kickboxing for nearly a year? My favorite kick was basically a modified front kick, knee up and instead of striking with the ball of my foot, I'd slap with my instep. SO MUCH FUN!!!! I also really enjoyed sitting on the table and basically speed bagging his balls with alternating feet.

I'm normally available most of the time. I'm so lucky that my day job hours are utterly flexible. But I had to turn down three sessions yesterday. I spent the day moving my ex's belongings into storage. My apartment is mine again! This was not a box of photos and a few sweaters situation. I filled a 14 ft truck to move it all to a 10x15 storage space. My apt is practically empty! I feel like I just moved in. I'll be using a combination of professionals and cleaning slaves to get it inhabitable again. While I don't subscribe to the "Mistress as Divine Being" mindset, I assure you that you will never see me scrubbing the floor. Cleaning just isn't one of my skill sets. We had a cleaning lady during my formative years. I wonder if my mother even knew how to clean?

Also on the menu is renovation. Anyone know how to install pergo floors?

a draft post from last week that I never finished....

2005-10-20T23:46:00.000-04:00

I played quite a bit this week. I had two really intense and special sessions that I'll go into further detail on when I have more time. Last night I attended two showings at cinekink "the really alternative film festival." The Writer of O and Xaviera Hollander. Both are documentaries on women who wrote books of a sexual nature that both caused tremendous scandal at their release and altered public thought on marginalized sexuality. I thoroughly enjoyed both (though I could have lived without the dramatic recreations from The Story of O). Tonight I had dinner at wd-50 and experienced the most amazing dessert I have ever encountered. While I do not consider myself a "foodie" this may have been a life changing experience.

No one walks in LA, but anyone can shoot a handgun

2005-10-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

I leave Los Angeles tonight. I had an absolutely amazing time. The service here is phenomenal! People consistently went way out of their way to assist me. I had two of the best dates I've had in six months. Reconnected with an old friend whose love of LA & Santa Monica was infectious. Perhaps I didn't promote my visit heavily enough, but I barely saw any clients; so fear not NYC, I'm not leaving yet. I caught the new Neil Gaiman & Dave McKean flick, Mirrormask. As to be expected, it was beautiful and enjoyable. But the absolute highlight of my trip was shooting pistols last night at the LA Gun Club! Though I've shot rifles in NYC, the laws are much stricter and you can not just stroll into a shooting range and say, "hey pass me that beretta." Out here, you can!!! Just not alone. Some kind of suicide prevention thing. So I hit LA's craigslist with the following ad:

Want to go shoot guns and/or see the Weegee exhibit at the Getty?

And you thought that was just a catchy title. Nope, I'm serious. I live in NY and am just here on vacation for one more day. NYC gun laws seem to be MUCH stricter. I've never shot a handgun and have always wanted to. I called a gun club here in LA, but people aren't allowed to go alone. Wanna go shoot guns?

I also am interested in checking out the Weegee exhibit at the Getty.

I don't think there is much opportunity for conversation at shooting ranges, but the following outlines a bit about me and whom I typically seek.

I would like to meet someone interesting, intelligent and articulate. I am, of course, all of the above. I like violent asian films (think Takashi Miike), am relatively apolitical, have a twisted sense of humor, am an unrepentant smoker, believe deeply in the merits of caffeine, am dangerously impulsive, find spelling/grammatical errors on shop signs both irksome and occasionally amusing. Oh yeah, the shallow stuff. I'm pretty, sexy, tall with dark red hair, hazel eyes, long muscular legs and a voluptuous figure.

I like smart men without pretension. Please have a solid grasp of the English language, lived adventurously enough to have a few tales to tell and know how to laugh. Tall wiry guys typically turn my head but a fully functioning brain and a twisted sense of humor are required to hold my interest. Kindly reply with your photo and something about you that might pique my interest.

So...are you ready? I'm headed out to see a flick now, will check my email around 6:30/7, the range is open until 11!

I received about twenty-five responses by the time I returned from the movie. Some were downright scary. The guy built like a linebacker in a black suit, black shades and "enforcer" written all over him, sent a one line reply, "I love guns." The teenaged gangbanger complete with bandana tied around his head, said, "Yo! bitches wit guns are hot!!!!"

The guy I actually went out with really fit no stereotype. Intensely intelligent, hardcore geek cred, MacGyver claimed skills that I didn't have the opportunity to test, an absolutely sincere smile and enough in common with me to talk until six am.

We shot off about a hundred rounds each, using a Beretta 92FS and a Kimber Eclipse Custom II. I was so excited when we arrived that I actually jumped up and down like a little girl. However, as the guy behind the counter talked to us about which guns to choose, I was suddenly sobered by how absolutely dangerous guns are. So it was with a healthy respect for the weapons we were about to use that I put on the eye and ear protection they provided. But by the time we were actually in the lane, I was totally psyched and excited again. It was SOOOOO much fun.

So...I'm off for my last LA shopping trip (the amount of money I've spent this week is obscene).

Still alive and kicking, now in LA!

2005-10-11T19:07:00.000-04:00

So...I'm in Los Angeles. I've had the greatest time from the moment I arrived. Spent the weekend in Beverly Hills at The Four Seasons for a family wedding and am now partying like a rockstar in West Hollywood. Had my first famous client, don't bother asking, I WILL NEVER TELL.

This week in fetish

2005-09-22T00:41:00.000-04:00

Sunday night I unintentionally ended up at Byte. I live on the same block. Month after month I'm headed home and suddenly there's fetish on my block. I always find it slightly disconcerting. It is also amusing how some people don't even recognize me out of gear. But this time, I was locked out of my apt and after hanging around outside for awhile waiting for someone to come in or out of my building, I finally just went in for a drink. Many of the usual suspects were there. I chatted briefly with Harlequinn, Domina M and Cyber. I spent more time with Ardenne. She was carrying the most magnificent crop. I finally met Troy Orleans, she actually recognized me while I was having a smoke and introduced herself. In some ways it is bizarre to be at a fetish event in a t-shirt, denim skirt & cowboy boots. On the other hand, I'm a domme regardless of what I'm wearing.

On Monday I sessioned with the victim I'll be using for tomorrow's demo at Rapture. He was great fun to play with, but we actually got along so well and were chatting so much that I had to tell him to shut up because our conversation was distracting me from our play.

Tonight I dropped a hundred bucks in less than ten minutes buying stockings over at The Sock Man. I got old fashioned cuban heels, fishnets, thigh highs and traditional black stockings galore. As I don't have any stocking fetishists booked for this week, it was a kinda frivolous purchase, but honestly I just couldn't resist.

Teslamania

2005-09-16T21:45:00.000-04:00

So...thanks for the responses regarding my demo, I think I've settled on a victim. I just came across this and think I may need to attend. Afterall, the violet wand is a tesla coil. Who is this woman claiming to be NYC's tesla queen? That's ME damn it!!!

The LAST TESLAMANIA EVER!!!!!! “Bitchin” “Totally radical, braugh” “Heavy stuff, man” “This is the ultimate” "Gecko tends to perform loads of weird science, typically with one or both of the Tesla coils in house with cybertronic themes, breaking down the barriers between, science, sex and nature." audience responses

The mistress of the Tesla Coil and co-director of Collective:Unconscious, Gecko Saccomanno, is moving away, so this will be her very last show ever. For 5 years she has been WOWing you with all things Tesla in the longest running tribute to the forgotten genius and inventor Nikola Tesla....TESLAMANIA!!!

See the largest Tesla Coil on Manhattan-Electric bolts with a 6 foot span. Watch electric bolts shoot from lobster claws + out of flowers, as neon tubes glow from across the room!! Smell the fresh scent of ozone!!!

Come join her, plus Tesla master Jamie Mereness + the Most Special of Special
guests the Galorious Missy Galore for one last BLAST!!!!!!

Friday September 16th 7.30 pm
Collective Unconscious
279 Church
http://www.weird.org
http://www.chickscook.org

reservations 212 254 5277

Free Heavy Medical Training Session..you want it?

2005-09-16T07:16:00.000-04:00

I saw the opening midnight showing of Corpse Bride and without admitting to resurrecting my adolescent gothiness, I adored it!!! But moving onto something a touch more hardcore. I will be hosting a medical training session involving sounds, catheters, piercings and an enema. Unfortunately I do not yet have a test subject (victim?). I am well experienced in the forementioned procedures, thus I will be showing several newer dommes my techniques as well as allowing them to try them under my supervision. Is invasive heavy medical and exhibition your thing? Email me immediately and an incredible multi-domme session is yours at no charge.

Oysters and Electric Blue Latex on the roof

2005-09-14T05:19:00.000-04:00

The funk of my last post only lasted a day, sorry to have left the blogosphere under the impression that I was still stuck in an introspective slump. Actually life has been quite grand. One of the ways that might best be illustrated is that I've had oysters four times in the last seven days. I highly recommend all of the following restaurants: Blue Ribbon, Jack's Luxury Oyster Bar, Marlow & Sons and Balthazar.

I did a photoshoot on the Arena roof with Ingela. Not only is she incredibly hot, as evidenced below, she's just as good on the other side of the lens. Most amusing though is that at the moment this shot was taken, in her breathy, ever-so sexy Swedish-accented voice, she is saying to me, "Close your eyes. Open your mouth. You are in ecstasy! Show me ecstasy!"
ps...The Trainer receives full credit for the state of my legs in this photo, see going to the gym pays off!

I've finally done a bit of updating to my professional site AND I'll be guest Mistressing at The Den of Iniquity in Los Angeles October 10th-13th. Aren't you excited? I am!!!

nothing sexy just a bit of self head shrinking, feel free to check back in a day or two for something more interesting.

2005-09-03T01:03:00.000-04:00

I've had several sessions recently that probably warrant posts, but I'm just not in a sexy story mood tonight. I fear I might be getting depressed again. It could just be a premenstrual thing or a caffeine & sugar high & low thing, but in the last two days my moods have swung so high and then relatively low. It is nowhere near debilitating (because I've been there and remember how that felt). It is just sad and somewhat empty. It may also be in reaction to the fact that I've recently done some very adult /take care of myself things and lest I allow myself to actually move forward, a few self-sabotaging moves are now in order, of course. But overthinker that I am, I'm aware of all of the above. Which leaves me on the deck of the beach house, friday night, one am, labor day weekend chainsmoking and trying to sort it all out.

In about two weeks it will be a full year since I left Craig. About a month ago, it was four years since my mother died. I still haven't gotten her gravestone erected. Obvious psychological block compounded by guilt. I turned 30 about four months ago. There are so many dumb little things that we make our personal landmarks in time. Lola (my french bulldog godchild) may be pregnant and one of the puppies may be marked for me. So in about two months I may have a french bulldog puppy. As if I were ready for that kind of responsibility!

More Summery Thoughts: Peeing in the Pool

2005-08-30T11:42:00.000-04:00

I was obsessively checking my logs this morning (yes I know from whence you've surfed or searched to me) and found this chick. I so looooove her latest entry, entitled: Do You Pee In The Pool?

Have you wanted to, but never did because you were told that there's a blue, purple, or red dye that will colour the water if you do? I don't know if you've heard it, but I was told that line as a kid. I always believed it, too.
I probably wouldn't have done it myself, but I used to look around in the pool as a kid passed by to see if a coloured streak followed the kid while swimming. That way, I'd know if they peed in the pool, and I'd know to avoid that area while swimming.

She maintains that she never put it to the test. I, however was not the same type of child. I was about 5 or 6 and my mother and Aunt June were playing cards (most likely canasta or may I, why don't I have weekly card games?) in her glassed in back deck. So they had a basic view of me, but had I started drowning, it would have taken some time to get to me. Before I got in the pool, Aunt June told me that peeing was not permitted in her pool. She said I better not, because if I did, a big black circle would form in the water right around me and she would know. I solemnly nodded my head and then bounced off into the backyard to get in the pool. Approximately twenty minutes later I burst into the room where they were playing cards and shrieked, "You lied Aunt June! You lied! There wasn't any black ring!" Luckily, rather than being angry at me, they laughed and asked why I had peed in the pool and I readily admitted that I wanted to see the black ring. THAT was the type of child I was.

Summer...

2005-08-29T00:39:00.000-04:00

Those of you who actually know me (or have been trying to book an appointment with me), know that I've spent the bulk of this summer in the Hamptons. No, I'm not out here to party, I'm a nanny, remember? I've had an amazing summer! Do you realize I'm getting paid to build sandcastles and go swimming? My bosses have given me relatively free reign on a house on the beach with a heated pool. Ummm, yeah, it does rock. Sometimes the kids stay over with me, but most nights I'm alone. Which means skinny dipping, smoking and reading. There's no real appropriate segue here. I guess I was just thinking about summer and work after reading this article. I have yet to meet Troy Orleans, but I've consistently heard great things about her. I understand the heat being problematic, but where the hell is she renting space that the air conditioning isn't cranked to the max? I spent an hour and a half encased in leather on Friday for an interrogation/torture scene and um, well, I was fine. Whatever, maybe that's just me. Things were slow earlier in the summer, and maybe it is partially that I'm only in the city and available a few days a week, but business is booming lately. Or maybe it is this amazing snapshot of my legs:

When your landlord's lawyer is submissive, another only me anecdote

2005-08-26T23:32:00.000-04:00

So many stories to tell. The first actually happened several months ago. I knew it was blogworthy but I never got around to it. Being the fiscally irresponsible adult (?!?!) that I am, I often end up in court with my landlord. We arrange a stipulation agreement and everything is fine in the end. Except when I miss stip payments and come home to find a marshall's notice of pending eviction. Oops. Back to court I go. This time a touch nervous, as I have really pushed things a bit farther than might be acceptable and the judge could actually elect to allow my landlord to throw me out. Such was the situation about two months ago. I arrived for court in a denim miniskirt (my summer uniform), a black v-necked shirt and cowboy boots. I meet with my landlord's lawyer in the hallway of the court building. He's cordial, friendly even. He begins filling out paperwork but is interrupted by some other lawyers for a round of gossip. In a teasing tone, certainly not as though I were barking an order, I told him to get back to work. It seems that triggered a response. Negotiations began. In no uncertain terms I spell out the terms that I want, knowing full well that my landlord will never agree, but hoping for a point to begin bargaining from. He agreed to everything I requested. Put it through the court without calling my landlord for approval!!! As we finished up, he asked what I did for a living. I was evasive, I said that I have a few different freelance jobs. He replied, "I'm submissive to my wife. Are you a Domme?" I was so shocked, I just told him the truth. He said, "I KNEW IT!" I asked how and he referred back to me telling him to get back to work. I suspect he may have recognized me or maybe his submissive sixth sense was just responding to me.

Five Days Naked in the Desert

2005-08-20T22:08:00.000-04:00

Yes, it is true. I went on another naturist vacation. This time it was to a resort in Palm Springs, CA called Desert Shadows. It was, as I expected, magnificent; I met some wonderful people and had a great relaxing time. With one exception. I had an accident while I was there. Before you all freak out, I will preface this story by saying that I have suffered no permanent damage or disfigurement, though I surely could have. Most of you know that I am a smoker. I am rather committed to my camel lights. So it is perfectly understandable that when I went to the pool that first day, I brought a towel, my smokes, a lighter and the book I was reading (Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson ). Having never been to Cali before, I had no concept of just how damn hot it gets there. I left my stuff on a table beside a lounge chair and got in the pool. Less than an hour later there was loud shotgunish sound and we discovered that my lighter had exploded from the heat. OK. no worries. Lesson learned, DO NOT leave a lighter exposed to direct sunlight when temperatures are above 100 degrees. You think this story's over, but it's ready to begin. I adopt the habit of covering my lighter with a towel or my book. Two days later, I pull a lighter from my purse and place a cigarette between my lips. As I flicked it on, it exploded in my face. There was a ball of fire directly in front of me. I stepped back, waved my hands back and forth and ran into my room to splash water on my face. I lost several curls, singed my eyebrows and lashes, but the real pain was inside my nose. The heat and fire had gone up my nostrils. No nose hair here! I iced it for an hour and then obtained some Ayr with Aloe gel which relieved the dryness and pain. It wasn't until a day or so later when scabs began to form along the edges of my nostrils and septum that I realized how badly I had been burned. Needless to say I used matches for the remainder of the trip. I repeat, I'm fine now. It was scary when it happened but I'm over it and I'm just grateful that the damage was minimal and that I recovered so quickly.

Obviously that had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked. But then other than the fact that I'm lacking tan lines, a naked vacation is the same as a clothed one. As my friend who organizes these trips is fond of saying, anything you can do clothed you can do naked. Nudity juxtaposed with atypical activity highlights included a celebrity homes bus tour (when someone emails it to me, I'll post a pic of myself and a friend in front of Elvis Presley's honeymoon home) and a naked dance/karaoke party. I had a great time at the party. I don't think I've ever danced nude before. And while I typically not only hate karaoke, but the people who actually do karaoke, I guess I was caught up in the spirit of things and was roped into participating in a group rendition of The B-52's Love Shack. No, I can't really believe I did it either.

Back from the desert, en route to the beach

2005-08-18T10:21:00.000-04:00

Sleep deprived and caffeinated to the gills, I really shouldn't be awake right now. However, the gentleman beside me on the Jitney is wearing an outfit that deserves to be immortalized. Brown leather loafers, HOT PINK (or shall I say fuschia) socks, canary yellow slacks with a purple Ralph Lauren polo shirt, complete with a green embroidered polo player. Were he a 22 year-old hipster, I'd laugh at how hard he was trying. But this guy is in his 60's. Shouldn't he know better by now?

Read all about it, The New Nanny Diaries are Online

2005-07-21T08:14:00.000-04:00

I was given this article (hard copy)by the woman whose children I take care of daily. She knows about this blog and has even left a comment now and again. To my knowledge, her husband has never read it. I repeat, to my knowledge. It is however something to think about. How often do bloggers lose their jobs because their employers could no longer handle the dissolution of boundaries?

Entertainment

2005-07-16T19:27:00.000-04:00

There's sooooo many things I want to write about but I haven't really had the time to organize my thoughts in front of a keyboard. I saw Murderball opening night and attended a q&a with the main character (are people in documentaries characters?) and directors. It is not a feel-good tearjerker about overcoming disabilities. At least the people profiled (except one with a childhood case of polio landing him in a wheelchair) were asshole adrenaline junkies before they broke their necks. This one got thrown off a deck while fighting, another thrown from a pickup when his best friend crashed driving home drunk. That said, I loved the way it was shot and really enjoyed it. Moving onto book recommendations, I am nearly done with the best novel I've read in years. Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. Go get it now.

You thought NY was small? Craigslist gets creepy...

2005-07-07T00:18:00.000-04:00

Typically when answering or posting a personal ad I do not include a link to this blog. I also don't use myspace for dating. Sure I'm on there, I'm a geek, remember? But I'm not "friends" with anyone that I don't know in real life. My profile is under my real name and includes a link to this blog because anyone who knows me, knows what I do. OK, preface officially out of the way. Tonight I'm browsing CL men seeking women and some guy has included a link to his myspace page. What I'm certain he forgot is that on his blog he put a little "hey I moved" note with his new address. I suppose that was for housewarming gifts? Since obviously any of his friends on myspace couldn't just send him an email, right? But imagine my surprise when I read the studio address. This guy is two floors below me as I type. How serendipitous! and bizarre! I answer his ad and make note of the above. Obviously I scared the shit out of him, because not only did he not answer my email, the formentioned blog entry no longer existed five minutes after I sent my note.

Also of note regarding my last rant about online dating, I obviously jinxed myself because I haven't gotten laid (via online dating)since I posted that.

Dirty Panties For Sale! Get Yer Panty Fetish Filled Here!

2005-07-05T22:04:00.000-04:00

I have a new business endeavor! I've been selling my dirty panties. I know selling used items is not a new thing for dommes. Someone I used to work with was selling vials of her piss via the internet 8 years ago (I just checked her current site to give the link but it seems she is no longer doing it). But this is different. These guys don't even know I'm a domme. I'm just a girl in Manhattan with damp panties who is willing to meet in a public place and hand them over for $50. It is shockingly easy, though there is some illicit thrill; at my first sale I laughed and said I felt like I was doing a drug deal or something. As far as I know this isn't illegal. My first customer has already requested a second pair! He was so sweet and while I think we were both awkward for a moment (we met up on the street in Rockfeller Center)the exchange went smoothly and less than five mintues after jumping out of a cab, I was walking down the street with two twenties and a ten in my pocket. The next day I received the following note:Just wanted to let you know the panties are GREAT! When I got back into my office, I shut the door and sniffed your sweet juice for a few minutes and then rubbed it all over my cock. Then when I got home I put them on and wore them around the house for a while. We'll have to meet again soon...
I've been so excited and amused about this project that I've told practically everyone I know. My friend's responses vary. A totally vanilla female friend was incredibly skeeved. "He has your DNA!" she shrieked. I highly doubt that cloning is on his to do list. My male friends are particularly intrigued with the potential for profit. Much more than my female friends, they've asked how many inquiries I've received, how much the panties cost, how long I need to wear them, can I sell more than one pair a day?

Ever just have a great day? Or running around Brooklyn half naked

2005-06-24T21:23:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you just have a great day. I spent the night at a friend's place on the UWS. It was such a nice apt to wake up in. Headed downtown to the gym, did some crazy olympic powerlifting and ran over to Arena for a session. What is the big deal about "sensual sessions"? The house and general rules on professional BDSM are pretty clear. There is no sexual contact. But then there are sensual sessions. Today's was a roleplay about "my neighbor" whom I had caught spying on me and my roommates sunbathing nude on the roof. It was a fun, flirty roleplay mixed in with some spanking and overpowering. Totally up my alley. Explain to me why a domme would have no issue doing a barehanded spanking, but cringe at the idea of running her hand gently along a client's facial cheek? I love coming in close to whisper in my client's ear. For this guy, a sense of affection along with his punishment was really important. He was able to express it during our consult and I really appreciate that.

I then ran off to Brooklyn Heights to participate in this photography project: Uncovered: Celebrating Women in NYC shot by Jordan Matter. I honestly had a blast. The photographer is handling the shoots in two ways, either locations he has been eyeing or something personal to the subject. He was very excited about the fact that I'm a domme and asked if I would be comfortable somehow incorporating that into the shoot. Thus I ended up strolling down a residential block in thigh high leather boots, a jean skirt, corset (with my breasts strategically uncovered), with a patent leather cat o'nine dangling from my wrist.

Ironically the shot that actually aroused attention from the cops and ultimately ended our shoot was me in flip flops, bare legs, jean skirt, a pony tail and glasses reading the NY Times outside of the Brooklyn supreme court. An extremely interesting note is that the cops never spoke a word to me or even approached me. They went straight for the photographer. But wasn't it my bare breasts causing the disturbance?

Then it was back into the city for more Asian Film Fest. Tonight's viewings are One Night in Mongkok and Arahan. I won a dvd! There are drawings for prizes at the start of each flick and I could believe the other night Craig AND his gf both won stuff. That was of course a few days after he ended up unintentionally sitting next to me. I will not allow his presence to ruin this terrific film fest for me!

I swear I'm not dead, just at the movies

2005-06-20T03:34:00.000-04:00

I've been getting those emails and phone calls asking if I'm dead in a ditch again. Obviously not. Unfortunately blogger is dead set against me and sent my last post off into oblivion somewhere. Maybe someone else's blog got my post. Who knows? I was too frustrated to rewrite it. All the interesting parts of my life are not currently up for public consumption...sorry. Except my attendance of the Asian Film Fest. Thus far I've seen:
Survive Style 5+
Karaoke Terror
Gagamboy

I still have plans for at least:
Arahan
Crying Fist
Kamikaze Girls
Marebito
One Night in Mongkok
P
R-Point
Samaritan Girl

Eleven flicks in less than two weeks might seem like a lot to the uninitiated, but that's only a third of the offerings and I'm certain I'll end up at more than what I've listed here.

more I heart muay thai & rant #683 regarding online dating

2005-06-08T00:09:00.000-04:00

I know I've mentioned this before, but I FUCKING LOVE kickboxing! Now that I'm starting to have a clue and some confidence it is so much fun. I get frustrated with my body when I intellectually understand what I need to do but cannot do so correctly. Of course the inverse of that is when I overthink a move rather than just relaxing and allowing my body to just do it. But sometimes (and more often lately) my glove or shin hits the pad correctly and makes the most satisfying thwack. I know when I'm correct because it just feels and sounds right.

Sunday afternoon a male friend and I spent hours discussing our online dating exploits. My constant whine (I know you've all heard this before) is that getting laid is not a problem. I'm female, call it the power of the pussy if you must, but I can get laid in a heartbeat; finding someone whose company I really enjoy remains a formidable task. Is it just an NYC thing, a 2005 thing or an online thing that when either of us actually goes on these dates sex is practically inevitable. Maybe it is the screening process, by the time you agree to go out with someone from online, you already know a bit about them and find them attractive enough to meet up with. Or maybe we are both just total sluts.

yeah, I'm back from the ether

2005-06-06T23:55:00.000-04:00

Don't ya just hate it when you find a blogger whose writing you actually enjoy and they just disappear into thin air? Sorry I've been absent. Now that the fetish marathon is over, I think I'll be returning to my regularly scheduled life.

In the midst of the madness that was prepping for the Ball, I did actually find time to do some random fun things, including attending a night of music created with gameboys from these people. I also went to the movies quite a bit, the best things I saw were Mad Hot Ballroom & Layer Cake. I discovered a bar with a rooftop garden literally a stone's throw from my apt but the thing that excites me the most is the upcoming New York Asian Film Festival. Pity the three friends with me when I finally picked up a hard copy of the schedule and movie descriptions on Sunday afternoon. I spent the next hour reading aloud nearly every synopsis and encouraging them to choose which ones they might like.

I'm so lucky my friends adore me. Finding people to attend close to 30 films with me within a span of less than two weeks is not an easy endeavor. Sure the ex will be at most of the flicks I've chosen, but we will not be sitting together this year and while I can handle watching a flick alone, I hate not having anyone to discuss it with afterward. My hunt for a boy who likes the same kind of movies I do, can engage in a decent intelligent conversation and is hot enough to make me swoon continues. Wait, I found that guy, he just isn't interested in me "like that." So allow me to revise my manhunt wishlist by adding killer kisser, cuddle champion, a lack of relationship fear, oh and of course, an unwavering attraction to me.

I apologize to the fetishists seeking a blow by blow of the events I attended this week. Honestly, I was so exhausted and working so hard, it is really all a blur of lacing up my boots and tightening my corsets over and over again.

You Always Wanted to Know How Being a Pro-Domme Perverted My Sence of Normalcy

2005-05-21T10:56:00.000-04:00

It is amusing how twisted my sense of normalcy is. The other day at the dungeon, I was chatting with Mistress Alicia in the reception area when a food delivery arrived. She rushed to hide as I opened the door. Bewildered, I said, "It's ok, it is just the delivery guy, not your client." She cocked her head to the side and gestured at herself. It took me a moment to realize that she was in full fetish regalia: skin tight latex pants, barely there halter and thigh high boots. Of course she was correct, the delivery guy did not need to see her attire. But we both laughed out loud that momentarily I just didn't understand. She looked perfectly normal (and scrumptiously hot) to me.

I had another "wearing fetish gear is perfectly normal" moment over at Rubbercat. I was wearing a short blue latex dress, a black brocade corset and six-inch heels. A guy that I had found adorably attractive when he entered, stopped to chat a moment with me on his way out. I invited him out for a drink and we talked while he waited for me to be "off-duty." Once I had finished, I told him to wait just another minute so that I could change. Afterward I wondered if he had met me in jeans, a black t-shirt, my leather jacket and flip-flops if our initial chemistry would have been the same. It just never occurred to me while I was, that I was hitting on someone with my cleavage and the the length of my legs on full display. He was intelligent, amusing (and as previously mentioned, quite adorable). Too bad he doesn't live in this country.

The awesome day off that wasn't really

2005-05-17T10:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was a great day. I turned down multiple shifts at the dungeon on the premise that I had worked for something like 8 or 9 days straight and needed a day off damnit. I got up at 10:30 am for an appointment with The Trainer. Cardinal rule of the day off number one broken: sleeping late. But as usual, I enjoyed my workout. The weather was perfect yesterday afternoon. Jeni and I had a late brunch over at Yuca Bar accompanied by exquisite lime Mojitos. I went for a pedicure and then got ready for session with jimybob. I know, doing a session on "the big day off" also contradicts the whole day off theme. I adore both playing with and spending time with jimmybob so going into the dungeon for him wasn't the hardest choice. Afterward we went out for an amazing Russian dinner, which I followed up with an assignation with my favorite fuckbuddy, who also happens to be Russian. How thematic!

Drugs: coke to nicotine to viagra, bear with me, it makes sense

2005-05-16T03:29:00.000-04:00

How bizarre to read a novel about a heroin addict that is uncomfortably resonant. Throughout my life, I've sporadically kept journals and even within this blog are those forlorn/angry/melancholy entries about seeking something "real." Add that novel to the flick I watched tonight and it dawns on me how lucky I am that I never became a junkie or a cokehead. I suppose one would need to choose to do either of those drugs in order to follow that path, which I never will. I already suspect that I would love cocaine. After all, it is the drug of choice for people with ADD. I'll never really know if it was just good training by my mother or losing my virginity to a recovering addict that has me so properly set against using hard drugs. Those things of course or just being intelligent. But then I know so many people with a brain who've chosen to use. I don't think it is some exceptional thing that I've literally just said no every time a bump was offered. Actually yesterday I wondered briefly if it was some fear or lack of nerve. Don't worry, I think starting to use drugs at 30 would be pretty fucking lame. I chose my vices a long time ago: caffeine, nicotine, food and sex. Order subject to daily reconsideration.

I'm accepting calls via niteflirt again. Today's most interesting was a guy calling to ask if I had any experience combining viagra with cock & ball torture. Basically he keeps losing his hard-on during cbt, even though he maintains that he is still completely aroused. His mistress continues to follow his body's cues rather than his verbal feedback and eases up or stops completely. I told him to see his doc, get a scrip and go for it. BDSM is just another flavor of sexuality (he responded to that comment by telling me BDSM is an advanced form of sexuality, at which I laughed) and if the stimulus he is receiving does in fact turn him on, the viagra should work the same way it would for a vanilla guy getting a blowjob. I'm looking forward to his followup call on this little experiment.

Asian Flick Interlude

2005-05-11T12:28:00.000-04:00

I still haven't seen Ong Bak, but I intend to rectify that shortly as well as Miike's One Missed Call. Dates and some flicks have been announced for my favorite film festival! And I just discovered a blog from one of the guys that puts together said festival. He came up in conversation a few weeks ago when I was at a going away party for a friend. It seems he went to college with me or more likely just before me. The place was so damn small I would think if we were there at the same time I would have remembered him. I haven't read through all of his entries, but based on his movie intros at the festival, he is so worth reading.

Sodomy in the Office!

2005-05-11T01:01:00.000-04:00

I have had a few requests to meet clients in their offices, but nothing had ever come to fruition before today. He met me outside the building and escorted me to his office. In the elevator we made small talk about living in NYC and the weather. I knew what he really wanted to talk about, but didn't dare until we were safely within the confines of his private office. Once there, I peeled off my jeans, leather jacket and black t-shirt to reveal my bra, corset, panties and garter-belted stockings. I took my hair down and allowed him to watch as I applied my red lipstick and gloss. He was fairly panting by the time I slipped into black leather stiletto pumps. I commanded him to strip and put on the lacey black panties I had brought for him while I strapped on my dildo. He transformed instantly from a distinguished businessman into my writhing slut. I sat in his chair with him kneeling before me. He gave head to my strap-on while stroking his "clit" through the panties. I reached down, pinched his nipples and told him how much I was enjoying using his pussy face. After a bit, I got up, bent him over his desk and threatened to fuck him like the little bitch slut I knew he was. He begged me to do it. I gloved and lubed up, inserting one, then two, then three fingers while he humped his desk. I placed the head of my strap-on between his cheeks and in excitement or fear, he came all over the papers on his desk. I hope they weren't anything important...

Insomnia and Mother's Day

2005-05-08T07:38:00.000-04:00

I have been a complete insomniac lately. Finding it hard to fall asleep before I'm entirely exhausted and barely sleeping more than 4 to 6 hours when I do. Initially I thought that turning 30 was of no consequence. Then a few days before my birthday I started to really evaluate where I am and have been, as well as where I am going. I may have mentioned this previously, but after leaving my ex, I basically resumed my life where I had left it at 23 when we began dating. I've gone back to all of my old jobs and lifestyle. Post bday, I know that nothing is actually different and that it is just a marker on the calendar.

Mother's Day. The first time I attempted to visit my mom's grave was on a rainy mother's day. I remember being soaked, holding flowers and waiting for the train. Everything had gone wrong timewise that day and I never actually made it. I'm confident that there was an element of selfsabotage at work, as I do not think I was ready to face her grave or really that she was not on some extended vacation.

More and more of my friends have given birth and therefore become moms. Ironically, my two closest friends to have had children are both women who maintained that they would never do so. I on the otherhand, was always certain that I would have children. I always thought that 31 or 32 was the right age for me to do that. Potentially arbitrarily chosen, but most likely because my mom was 31 when she had me. I feel relatively confident that I'll be pushing that timeline back a bit. Someone recently asked me what I wanted to be a decade from now. For a moment I didn't know how to answer and then epiphany style I realized that the only thing I did know about that far in the future was that I would like to be a mother by then. Since I am single, my friend then asked if I would be willing to do it on my own. I said no. I laughed and said that I would like a partner for this particular endeavor.

About Last Night...

2005-04-30T22:40:00.000-04:00

I've maintained for awhile that I no longer play on my own time. Over the last few months,I made a friend via this blog, another thing I have not been particularly interested in, as I have possibly more friends than I need. After a lengthy email correspondence and a phone friendship, we finally had a drink together last night. Less than an hour later he was naked, blindfolded and bound in my bed. Yet another "rule" broken. I typically don't drink & play (I'd only had one beer, it wasn't as though I was drunk).

It was good and fun and possibly an important experience for me. Our play was relatively brief, but intense (for both of us, I think). It was great to totally improvise as I had no toys at home. Rope bondage is not my forte, but it was nice to know that those skills aren't rusted out. Mac geeks will appreciate that I bound his wrists and ankles with the old style blue & white G3 power cords (translucent blue and quite thick). His bondage was not elaborate, but very secure. His descent into "subspace" was fast and deep, though he was relatively nonverbal, his body was very responsive. There was slapping, spanking, much pinching, hair pulling (and pulling out), fire and cigarette play. Our play was at times severe but always sensual. Granted, I am something of a safety nazi and I don't believe in permanent damage, but the awareness that I could truly do anything I wanted to him was incredible. I had only the vaguest sense of both his limits and interests. It was truly about me hurting him for my own pleasure and amusement. And that was hot.

It's A Boy!

2005-04-28T09:42:00.000-04:00

So...last night's Rubbercat was relatively uneventful. Lola and I were the official Door Bitches. We took a leisurely walk home, got in the door and the call came. My boss was in labor, so at 3:30am I headed over to her apt and just before 8am she gave birth to a healthy baby boy with a full head of hair. More details later.